Is untrusting equal to untrustworthy
Are you obligated to trust the person you are in a relationship with? Should trust be given until proven undeserved, or must it be earned? Let me get more specific, should you not walk down the aisle with someone you don’t trust 100%? Some may beg the question “why get married if the trust is not there?”
If a person refuses to trust their spouse, is it due to that person being untrustworthy? Does the answer to fully trusting lie within one’s own ability to be trustworthy? Maybe it is insecurities within that person that makes her doubt her ability to fully satisfy her spouse. Or maybe he doesn’t trust simply due to his past ill experiences, being deceived and witnessing deception from close range? Some may feel that to fully trust is to be fully taken for a fool, thus are reluctant to take that chance?
If trust is a prerequisite, we must get rid of the baggage of our past, rather personal, parental or vicariously witnessed, we can’t move forward with peace and optimism without resolving the past. Yet if trust is not a requirement to being in a healthy relationship, how do we deal with the thought of mistrust?
You got knocked the Fuck out!
Ladies, lets say you are out at a high end nightclub with your man, lover, provider, protector. He has a bit too much to drink and he notices a guy across the room that keeps staring at your beautiful famine body. You and he converse about it, and you tell him, don’t worry about it. He refuses to take heed to your words as his temper flares. Finally he has enough of this guy salivating over what he considers his good stuff. So he shouts across the room a loud bark that shows his intent of defending your honor completely.
Within 30 seconds they are up in each others faces daring each other to “bust a move”. So your man proceeds to take all his might to this guys jaw bone, but before your mans fist can make contact, the guys pinpoint jab hits your man dead in the forehead. Next thing you see is your man falling in slow motion to the floor like an Oak tree in the woods. He hits the floor and doesn’t move as he is knocked totally unconscious for a good 2 minutes.
After the crowd clears, and security assists (carries) your man to his car, you began to try to grasp the nights sudden unfolding of events. Does this affect his manhood in your eye? Is your ability to look at him as the strong protector gone forever? What is the conversation in the car like?
I am complex, yet not complicated
We shall be so lucky as to have a multi-layered personality, character traits and varying interest. These complexities are what make getting to know someone new so exciting. The more complex and intricate a person is, the more interesting they are. It takes more time to discover the fullness of their being.
If they reveal themselves slowly to you, you may be intrigued and held captive by their depth. If they keep everything honest and consistent without the ever so popular, fake facade that easily melts away as time reveals the truth, they just might have a shot at capturing your heart. The way to a girls heart is through her ear. So as you do some introspection and self-improvement, keep in mind that your experiences and talents should not only be fun for you, but also great conversational pieces that enhances your wisdom and understanding.
But stay away from being complicated. This is exhibited when someone feels stressed by simply listening to you talk. As they put the pieces of your life’s story together, they get lost and loose interested due to the heavy feeling they get.
I guess the determining distinction between complex and complicated is the different feeling your story evokes in people. As well, if the circumstances of your life’s story realistically depict you as in control, then that is an indication of complex. If you have no control over serious aspects of your life, tomorrow feels scary.
Relationship status: “It’s complicated”
Sending flowers – God loves you through me
Aqua Lilies
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If you don’t know her favorite flower, you are doing something wrong.
Or, if you are doing something wrong, you better know her favorite flower.
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Actually my philosophy in sending flowers is that men should never send them when she is mad at you. When men do something wrong and send flowers, it seems to me to come off as weakness. So you ask her to forgive you because of the good feeling the flowers brought her. I’d rather send flowers only when everything is great between us. That way, the good feeling the flowers bring will be added to the good feeling I bring. This will encourage her to appreciate me even more. Additionally, when things are going wrong and she gets no flowers, there is more reason to work hard and not give up on the relationship, because when it is good, it is great.
In fact, the very best time to send flowers is when she is going through a tough time outside of you two. This will let her know that you empathize with her struggles and that you are there to support her when she really needs you the most.
Now if she is the type of person who is struggling at work and bringing that mess and dumping it on you, you can send her flowers with a note-
“I am here for you, to weather the storms with you.
Please let’s keep us strong and not turn on each other during outside crisis.
God loves you through me”
the great compromise
She can only satisfy 80% of his physical needs
He can only satisfy 80% of her emotional needs
CAN YOU DEAL WITH THAT?
I don’t want to be a Panther, so what’s a sistah to do?
I’m approaching my 40th birthday, a single parent of one child, educated, excellent job, very independent and perhaps described as kind of a square. I don’t smoke, never done drugs and I don’t drink. I’ve had the opportunity to explore many different monogamous relationships throughout my years. I’ve experienced the fairy tale marriage having everything I wanted but I was so unhappy and my husband had other interest that excluded me. I’ve experienced divorce and know how to live off of practically nothing. I’ve had a fiancée that was virtually a dream, until he became abusive and yes…I walked away and gave the ring back. I’ve had boyfriends who have impressed and blessed me and then suppressed and depressed me. I’ve dated men who were older, younger and the same age range. I don’t really have a particular type of man in mind when I date. Just that they are God fearing, have a good job and their own place and vehicle. And yes, it is a turn off if my date still lives at home with Mom.
Well, my major concern at this point in life is this. OK, most of my girlfriends are older than me. I’ve watched their relationships or lack thereof. They all have great paying jobs and are constantly busy with lives goings-on but they have no significant others. Yes, they date and go out and flirt and have a good time; but no real genuine loving relationship. I call them Panthers, Read more
LoveCompletely – Will Smith
LoveCommittedly
LoveSupportively
LoveWealthfully
LoveSexy
LoveSilly
LoveSeriously
LoveFriendly
LoveProtectively
LoveFreaky
LovePublicly
LoveConsciously
LoveFamily
Ms. Independent – “Size does matter”
Michelangelo's David
Originally published 3/30/09
Men need women for one reason only, that is to stroke their manhood. Manhood in a broader sense than just anatomy. The definition of an independent woman and the definition of Manhood are different for each person. Yet as a couple, the two definitions must be agreed upon through discussion and practice. This is what makes good matches last. After the relevance of exterior beauty fades, two people must agree on what limits her independence has, as well as how large is his manhood. Size does matter, every woman wants a man with a huge manhood. Every man portrays a huge manhood, even if he is lying to himself or the world. Sometimes in the heat of an argument a woman will swing a low blow by questioning a man’s manhood,
“Just be a man and tell me the truth!”
Consciously grow together, or you will subconsciously grow apart
Often times our relationships get boring and monotonous. This can lead to the death of something that could have lasted forever with a bit more effort. What steps can we take to prolong relationships and protect the security that we seek? Below I’ve listed a few hobbies that you and your love-one can get into together. This builds strength and ensures that you grow together, not grow apart.
Remember, when you were single you wanted someone that could bring quality to the table. Just because you now are at the table with someone doesn’t mean the time to bring quality to the table has pasted. That concept is a continuous process of adding what you bring. Now you both can bring similar experiences together in order to keep it interesting and fresh.
For me, I surprised my wife with a jump out of a perfectly good airplane. The video is hilarious. Another example is that she is currently in school pursuing her Masters in Psychology. I read through some of her text books. We often discuss our opinions of the concepts and theories in the books. We don’t want to get so far apart in our berth of knowledge that we can’t relate to one another. So as she expands in one era, I follow. Besides, I want to see the reverse psychology coming as she tries to pull it on me.
Do you have any experiences or ideas on keeping it fresh and interesting as you grow together? Read more
