Secrets to men being faithful
Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Kwame Kilpatrick, Bill Cosby, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Antonio Villaraigosa. What do these men all have in common?
For many of us, our lives would be very different if men were as strong as women wished they were, sexually speaking. Many of us would have not been born if daddy wasn’t weak. As well, many of us would have been raised by a mommy and daddy under the same roof if men were not so weak. Read more
Conquer & Competition – What men talk about
In discovering the dynamics of communication between men and women there are two levels to breakdown. The first of which is motivation (selfish or selfless). The second is collaborative thought (opposed to competitive strategy).
By taking notice to what women talk about between themselves, and listening to the pattern of communication between men, we study their natural consciousness. Then we examine how men and women communicate with one another, we can better detect what is inherently dysfunctional with our personal outcomes.
Men naturally tend to focus on conquering and competition. Read more
Use low hanging fruit to practice your juice making skills
Low hanging fruit is the stuff you don’t have to stretch yourself to pick. You don’t have to get a ladder or risk breaking something to obtain it. Low hanging fruit usually doesn’t taste as good. But from my experience I’ve learned that low hanging fruit usually leaves less bad aftertaste. But be very leery of fruit on the ground. That is usually rotting fruit. Every now and then you may find one on the ground that someone just dropped, if you pick it up quick and kiss it up to God, you may be able to save the fruit from rotting.
So everyone should ask themselves two questions: Do I even bother with the low hanging fruit? And even 
more importantly: Am I low hanging fruit myself?
Everyone should have there own definition of high and low hanging fruit. Is it determined by looks, financial stability, self-esteem, status, race or inner beauty? If you must, admit to yourself that you are shallow in how you pick your fruit. Just don’t bitch about the frequent bad outcomes of your batch of juice.
Low hanging fruit is a great way to build your confidence and practice your juice making skills, because regardless of the type of fruit, they all want to be picked and squeezed. Many men that I know only want the fruit from the top of the tree, but rarely have the opportunity to pick one. They continually walk by low hanging fruit as they wait. If they are clueless on how to make a great batch of juice, it doesn’t matter if they are getting the top or low hanging fruit. Once you amass the skill to make great juice, then you can hold out for the best ingredients. But if you are not a great juice maker, what makes you think you deserve the best fruit?
Women also hold out and refuse to “settle” for less. This is usually a great thing, but the same question applies. I know many women who have been single, are single, and to what I see, will be single for a long time because they don’t take their juice making skills into account. So we first have to be honest with ourselves. Secondly, we have to work on us. And then the top fruit just may fall from the tree right into our laps.
But remember to balance one important point while picking, “substitutes create baggage” (click).
Balancing Attentiveness with manliness – Why men just don’t get it
Attentiveness is defined as thoughtfulness and giving someone special treatment. Manliness can be described as masculinity. So, each man that enters a relationship must contemplate how to balance the two. If he is too attentive, he may lose self respect or respect from his male friends, and even eventually from his woman. Women usually claim that they want a man that is attentive. But the question is, how attentive should he be? This is where women and men clash. see “The Eve Complex” for men getting ran over.
Women often want men to cater to their feelings. But this is often times unrealistic due to the fact that men are emotionally handicapped relative to women. Out of necessity of our God given responsibilities, our emotions have a shut-off valve that is uncontrollable at times. As we mature within a relationship, we attempt to control the flow of emotions to a manageable level. Too much flow of emotions and we start to doubt our own manliness. Too little emotions and our women are less and less satisfied.
Attentiveness comes from an emotional state, thus is a struggle for most men to maintain on a consistent basis. Women’s ability to do this is evidenced by their nurturing nature; this nature also creates a mental barrier to fully understanding the depth of male perceived manliness. This is just one of the frictional points that are common in most romantic relationships, I’m just pointing out the obvious, so both parties can make some concessions regarding the nature of their partner.
Being supportive in a stressful situation – Part IV
One popular source of relationship stress is, she wants you to do or stop doing something that you refuse to start or stop. She fails to understand the importance this thing has regarding your happiness. The thing in question may not be the healthiest thing, but it makes you happy in a way that she can not comprehend no matter how you try to explain it to her. She feels that this vice is detrimental to your relationship. This is when the ultimatums come into play. This is when a person has to choose what’s more important and attempt to refrain for the betterment of the relationship. The stronger the person is at doing this the more successful he will be in the relationship. The great compromise, click here.
In a relationship your partner can be an adversary but not necessarily an enemy. An example of a women becoming an adversary while she tries to be supportive is when she attempts to comfort her man during a stressful time in his life. If he snaps at her or is unwelcoming to her attempts of comfort, it is because he feels that her self-interest in the matter creates more stress for him. For example: Read more
Managing stress – Part III – Relationship advocate or adversary
The point of a relationship is to hire an advocate. A supporter, a cheerleader and an advisor that wants the best for you. This team effort and genuine care and concern for your goals, dreams and aspirations is what make being in a relationship worth the effort.
Once your partner begins to turn into your adversary, your relationship will tend to take a nose dive. In building a relationship two people should have open discussions on individual goals. “Can I support her in that goal?” If you can’t, you may become her adversary when she wants to invest relationship assets into a dream you have not bought into. You may be thrilled with her failure or upset with her victory. So she can’t run home and find true comfort in crying on your shoulder, or she can’t jump for joy with you in celebrating a victory. Read more
Managing Stress – Part II
Once you decide to deal with your stress, you have to decide how to deal with it. A major part of relationships is the sharing of stresses. Either one will support and encourage the other, or one will cause the other person stress. Yet in any case, when two people love each other, ones stress should automatically be the others concern. So how a couple plans an attack of a source of stress is important.
Dave Chappelle
There are three ways to deal with stress. The first of which is Appraisal-focused strategies. This method is the changing of ones perception of the problem. To reduce the priority, or find the humor in the matter. African Americans tend to use this method culturally. In studying couples counseling sessions, you will tend to find more laughter and humor between African American couples prior to the raw emotions are evoked.
The consistent and historical stress of the African American experience has manifested a culture that laughs at their common situations, as seen on many African American comedy stages. Even the use of the N word is an appraisal-focused coping methodology.
This predominance within the African American culture has historically saved their sanity, yet in modern times it has created an expectance in the norm to the point that many find little to no problem with the ever increasing dysfunction of certain immoral social interactions. Being poor and ignorant is a source of stress, yet in some circles, being ignorant is encouraged, because if you are smart, “you are trying to be white, or better than us”. Read more
How many have you been with?
Does one have an obligation to share with their new sex partner, their past sexual history? So you’ve been dating a special someone for almost 2 months. On this particular date your anticipation has been rising as your conversations have been more revealing. You two are finally alone at your apartment. As you sip a bit of lemon tea, and wink at her from over the rim of you cup, she sensually uncrosses and recrosses her legs. Your heart jumps and you almost spill the hot tea down your brand new silk shirt. You stutter as words don’t come out. She interrupts your distraction with a bold and direct question that alters the mood quite abruptly, “So how many sex partners have you had?” Read more
Women feel resolve by simply talking about it
Why do men clam up, go into their cave and refuse to talk about a pressing issue? I feel that if men don’t feel as if a resolution can be accomplished by talking about an issue immediately, then he is not compelled to talk at that moment. To discuss an issue with no prospects of resolution is crippling to the average man. We scratch our heads, run to the bat cave or to the local watering hole as women sprain their ankle in hot pursue chasing us “let’s talk, can we just talk about it!?”
I believe women often don’t need to seek a resolution to an issue in order to begin a heated debate. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the simple taking the time and effort to address each other’s issues is more than enough to bring relative peace in the hearts of women. I’ve often times found myself fighting off romantic advances at the end of a heated debate that to my estimation ended with no resolution. So excuse me if I’m not feeling playful after that interrogation. Yet she feels free and quite the opposite.
So there appears to be a sense of resolution for a women where men sit in total dissatisfaction and discomfort. The question is, should men appease the conversation despite his perception of a potential deadlocked outcome? Maybe if we do attempt to find the words to communicate, it will place us in a much better situation than just grabbing the car keys and running for the door.
