As individuals we are first and foremost accountable to ourselves for ourselves. This is instinctually our nature. We are born selfish and self serving. Try to take a toy from a three year old and he’ll shout “mine!”. We pick up on clues from our environment regarding the necessity to share and give out of the kindness of our hearts.
It often is falsely assumed that relationships mean that selfishness is placed aside. Oh contraire, it often means that we must put forth greater effort in not getting caught. Yet the actual denouncing of one’s selfishness for the greater good of the health of the relationship, is a sign of maturity and a strong indicator of success.
Now how do we get there? Read more
Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Kwame Kilpatrick, Bill Cosby, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Antonio Villaraigosa. What do these men all have in common?
For many of us, our lives would be very different if men were as strong as women wished they were, sexually speaking. Many of us would have not been born if daddy wasn’t weak. As well, many of us would have been raised by a mommy and daddy under the same roof if men were not so weak. Read more
I’m a married man and there are women out there that have a special place in my heart. Am I supposed to be totally resolved of those feelings? Maybe it’s not love, maybe it’s normal. Those feelings were evident and apparent after I got engaged. I think my fear of such a commitment brought raw feelings to surface. Those feelings I believe were the faces of my cold feet. I think they were a part of introspection, am I making the right decision? Is this the right women for me? It’s like when we are faced with death, our entire life really does flash before our eyes. In the face of marriage, my entire dating life flashed before my eyes. Are those visions there to help us evaluate our life and decisions, or is it just the fear of losing the goodness of the memories we hold bottled up within us?
We will never find one person with all the qualities that we want. We have to give up some part of our “perfect person” simply because no one is perfect. We can construct a perfect person by taking parts or characteristics from many ex’s and roll them up in one perfect fantasy husband or wife.
“Dude, if she had the brains of Ariana, the tits of Liz, the ass of Tamara, the sense of humor of Nikki, plus a mute button, I’d be the happiest man in the world!” Read more
Date number #1 – Coffee, juice bar, drinks, the beach. Spend no more than 3 hours of wages or $50.
Date number #2 – If date #1 had an inconclusive emotional connection, repeat #1. If there was a good connection, Spend 4 hours of wages or $75.
Date number #3 – If you are really feeling this woman and she has given you a reason to think she is feeling you, and not just using your money for entertainment on a Thursday night, Spend as much as you want.
Date number #4 – There is no date #4. She must ask you out and offer to pay. If she doesn’t pay by date #4 you may visit, hang out with her and meet her places and go dutch on the bill. If she questions you about paying, tell her that you don’t want to interfere or interrupt her independence, and you want to give her an opportunity to prove that money is not an object between you.
I’ve received a bit of hater mail as of lately. The hater mails all seem to point to the notion that I think I’m some kind of expert, falsely perfect or that I’m saying I got all the answers. Quite contraire…I’m just as lost as everyone else. This site is just a light to help guide not only my readers, but me too. I don’t have answers to give; I just have suggestions to share. Given the fact that we all have, or have had a dark side, I’m reserving this article for those of us who have something SCANDALOUS to share. Anonymously place comments below that exhibits how scandalous you have been in the past. Change the names to protect the guilty.
Originally published 2/2/09 I enjoyed the Super bowl at the home of my new friend Joe Blunt. He is African-American and his wife is not. Of the 20 people there, Joe, my wife and I were the only African-Americans. There were 3 children there; the first was a boy around 10 years old, as well as two girls around 6 years old. My wife and I were introduced to everyone there, including the children. The parents introduced their children and expected the children to greet us just as if they were 30 years old. I noticed how the children had many interactions with different individuals in the home.
At half time, we turned the TV down and the 10 year old was introduced from the back room. He appeared with a sheet of paper in his hand and he proceeded to begin a comedic monolog, sharing about 15 jokes, some where pretty funny. Read more
Originally published 3/30/09
Men need women for one reason only, that is to stroke their manhood. Manhood in a broader sense than just anatomy. The definition of an independent woman and the definition of Manhood are different for each person. Yet as a couple, the two definitions must be agreed upon through discussion and practice. This is what makes good matches last. After the relevance of exterior beauty fades, two people must agree on what limits her independence has, as well as how large is his manhood. Size does matter, every woman wants a man with a huge manhood. Every man portrays a huge manhood, even if he is lying to himself or the world. Sometimes in the heat of an argument a woman will swing a low blow by questioning a man’s manhood,
“Just be a man and tell me the truth!”
I’ve been married for most of my adult life. Yet for the past 5 years I’m back in the singles category. Maneuvering through the dating world at a more mature stage in life has proved challenging to me as it seems all of the norms have drastically changed.
Coming of age in the 80’s, my dad told me that men are natural hunters and when a man really wants a woman he will pursue her. He said that a man may deal with a women who pursues him but most likely she is just somebody to pass the time until the one he really wants comes along. I’ve always believed his theory and have governed myself by this principle. Meaning I really do not pursue men and since most women back 15-20 years ago seemed to govern themselves the same it was all good. But now it appears that women have become the more aggressive gender and it seems that it is the norm for women to do the hunting and to pursue the man. I have begun to wonder if possibly this is an outdated theory.
So my questions to you are, first do you believe that this was ever a valid theory and if so, have men lost their instinct to hunt? If a women is looking for a lifetime mate and not just a hook up, is it okay for a woman to pursue a man for this intent? Is there anything instinctual in a man to want to choose his mate or is it acceptable to a man for the woman to choose him?
Dear Outdating, this is a great common dilemma. I’ve spoken to many people who are frankly afraid of the new dive back into the dating pool. Read more
While in a relationship, where are the boundaries regarding friends of the opposite sex? If your man has many female friends how do you cope with that? Do you tell him to end all acquaintances? Do you tell him that you have to meet all of them? Do you say “hell no” to ex-girl friends who he claims are “just friends” now? Remember, what ever way you lay down the law, it must apply to you as well. Many women don’t trust other women around their men. They feel that men are weak (imagine that) and “bitches are scandalous”. Read more
Taking breaks from the more serious or suspense television, I like to indulge in a bit of raunchy TV to numb the mind a bit. On the reality show “For the Love of Ray J”, the brother of famed singer Brandy, who is also an entertainer of sorts, has a show in the tradition of my man “Flavor Flav”.
Last nights season finale left me with a few questions regarding the types of women men want. The final three female candidates lined up perfectly in that there was the crazy one that you know is going to cost you, but you’ll have so much fun between psychotic episodes. There was the Strong conservative woman who has direction and focus. And thirdly, you have the one that has the perfect body but that’s about all she has to offer.
The 3rd runner up was a big favorite, “Danger”, with a tattoo of a tiger on her face. My first impression was that she was crazy, and at the end it appeared that she was a bit unstable. Yet she was “mad sexy”. I don’t like tattoo’s but she rocked hers pretty damn hard. Read more