The crack epidemic of the 1980’s caused women to be so strung out that they cut out the need for a pimp and offered prostitution services for fractions of a viable price level. The hip-hop culture of the 1990’s morphed the meaning of the word “pimp” to be a synonym of “player”. The words pimp and player are currently interchangeable, but both represent a man that chooses to use multiple women for superficial reasons while feeling guiltless regarding any damage to the spirit of the multitude of women involved.

To this day, there is a large percentage of the urban male population that, due to a lack of academic success, disenfranchisement and felonious activity are unable to build a solid and stable foundation to house the responsibility of a family. Hence these men tend to not be the true providers of the household. They struggle for power and comfort in a household that is truly being secured by a more educated, more mature and more independent woman. These men tend to walk with a swagger, have their chest out and lean to the right while driving. These, like the flash of the old school pimp, are tactics to make up for the truth of inadequacy.

The source of this reverse masculinity can be traced back to the Willie Lynch slavery doctrine of 1712 . The doctrine called for the training of slave women to be the independent foundation and the man to be ineffective leaders, mentally weak and physically strong. Willie Lynch was a West Indies slave-owner that taught techniques to dominate and enslave the mind of Africans. His intent was to dominate and humiliate the image of the Black male in the eye of the Black female. From that point she would never look at him as a leader. Lynch knew that the Black mother was the first teacher of the slave, so by controlling her, he could control the mentality of the next generation. In order to hold on to her sons, she’d slow his development so that slave master would not feel as if the young sons were ready to be sold to another plantation. She raised her daughter to be strong and independent as she coddled her son in fear of the eventual separation. In return, the males learned to depend on a woman, and once he was sold at the age of 12, he would often find a surrogate mother to take care of him at the new plantation. This is where Black men first learned to be dependent on multiple women in a subordinate roll.

Willie Lynch delivered a speech on the bank of the James River in 1712. “I have a foolproof method for controlling your Black slaves. I guarantee every one of you that if installed correctly, it will control the slaves for at least 300 years.” He was obviously correct. Barrack Obama will be completing his first term as President of the United States when Lynches 300 year promise expires. So I ask you, in 2012, after having a great role model who controlled the free world, WHAT WILL THE BLACK FAMILY LOOK LIKE?

There are three different types of men in this world. The best type is all three in one. That’s a keeper for any women. This is a new account of an old and accurate reality.

The Mandingo- Is a man that can put a woman to sleep after breaking her back.

The Gay man- A Listener, a man who can hold a conversation with genuine interest in empathizing with a woman’s perspective. He gives honest opinions that don’t consider an ulterior motive of sexual conquest, hence the term “gay man” who is without sexual desire for a woman. One who can set aside his attraction to the woman and give advise free of self-interest. He can adjust his responses to account for woman’s sensitivity and not overbear her with manly responses and solutions.

The Old man- Represents a man who is established and financially secure. Normally financially reliable which sustains the appreciation of a women.

If you are a Mandingo, with no other quality, women will use you for sex, but they will not respect you further than the bedroom. Women’s emotions may get the best of them in the bed and they may choose to pursue a serious relationship with a Mandingo due to his ability to please her sexually. She may lose sight of the lack of satisfaction in the other two categories. When the sex gets old, so will the relationship.

If you have only Gay man qualities and you are not gay, women will consider you “just a friend”. This type of man without the other qualities often get stuck in “the friend zone”. That is somewhere no man wants to be. You spend a lot of time and energy with your “female friend” when you want more than a late night chat about some other guy. There are two ways out of this zone. First is to stick around all of your friends until they get tired of the ups and downs of relationships and finally take you out of tire or desperation. The second and best way out of this is to develop a little rawness and grow some balls. The next time she brings up some other dude, hang up on her ass. When she calls you back say, “talk to me about us, not some sucka who is not worth your time, and he sure isn’t worth taking any of my time”. Most importantly you need to grow in both of the other categories.

If you have only the Old man qualities you will be used a lot. You thought it was being perceived as a “Baller” but now it is obvious that you throw money around to make up for your inadequacies in other categories.

Us men need to understand who we are and the perception of qualities that we bring to the table. Then adjust by striding to be the Mandingo, gay, old man that every woman wants. You find that women will stop dating everyone else when they discover that you can satisfy their sexual needs, you can listen to them, comfort them and motivate them. Add the fact that you have old man qualities of being established and successful in your own right.

Most women that think outside of this box are not worth a relationship with you. These women include gold-diggers, shallow women or women who have little respect for their own bodies. Almost as challenging as making personal changes is the distinguishing the unworthy women from the ones you should introduce to your mother.

Now this is for men who want a relationship, if you are fine with being a player, then do the damn thang, that is another set of strategies that you follow to accomplish your goal. Those men should be on the look out for my article on “The history of the Pimp Game, a tribute to Ike Turner” due out later this year.

Please share your personal situations, category aspirations and questions; I will give you my suggestions.

Mandingo up

 It often is falsely assumed that relationships mean that selfishness is placed aside. Oh contraire, it often means that we must put forth greater effort in not getting caught. Yet the actual denouncing of one’s selfishness for the greater good of the health of the relationship, is a sign of maturity and a strong indicator of success.

Now how do we get there? First, we as individuals must always seek improvement in our own character. Secondly, we must carefully and thoughtfully chose to invest emotionally in persons of similar moral character.  Lastly, we must find ways to change our thought process and remind  ourselves of our new and less selfish priorities.  So in times of weakness we may have a safeguard that can catch us before it’s too late.

Once we find that person that we share a mutual desire to move into the future with, we must engage in deep discussions of the direction and destination of our relationship. We will speak of arriving at a place together in the distant future that is filled with beautiful sunsets together. We will say who we will be, where we will be, and how we will be. This conversation will set the stage for future difficult discussions.

ACT 1:

“How could you do that to me??!!” I feel that you are jeopardizing our sunset goals. I know you don’t have any intentions of leaving me for her, but even if you do still love me and you never let her capture your heart, the mere fact that you don’t respect my feelings, changes me. You may need to consider who it is that you want to share those sunset goals with. Is it the confident, trustworthy, trusting woman who loves the man that you represented when we met.  Or do you want me to be a fragile, insecure little girl with low self-esteem who struggles to find reasons to fend off propositions because you can’t seem to do the same.  Now my virtue will be questioned in your eye, just as your manhood is questioned in my eye.

We both are under the obligation to make sunset plans and protect those plans. When something threatens those plans, we need to openly discuss what will be the outcome if those threats are allowed to persist. Please look me in the eye and not only tell me that you love me, but tell me that you want me to love you too. Then imagine life without me.

Is your temporary self gratification worth more than your integrity, your family, my emotional wellbeing and your mistress’s omitted yet realistic emotional goals? I understand that when you are accosted by a beautiful woman who is open to manipulation, your thoughts are only of your instant gratification, sprinkled with the delusion of what is done in the dark will never see the light of day. You think of how good you can make her feel, so she in turn will express to you so that your ego may be boosted even higher than my boosting efforts.

No matter how quickly you can get her into bed, rather it be ten minutes, ten days or ten weeks, try to insert deeper thoughts within that period of time. So you can take other things into consideration. You may not be strong enough to not say hello, or not ask for her phone number. You may not be strong enough to throw the number away, but during a point where you are talking to her or on your way to meet her, try to remember all that is truely beautiful in your life, not just who is “fine as hell”. I hope you will remember that a new toy is not worth the broken promises, crushed hearts and blind sunsets.

Maybe, just maybe there is a way for you to value the reputation and fact that you are an upstanding guy with strong moral virtues rather than being the stud that could and would.  If women view you as such a virtuous man, maybe they will be encouraged to act in accordance with that respect.  From that, not only will you, but they and the world will be a more harmonious place.

Signed: Blind Sunsets

Bill Clinton, Jesse Jackson, Kwame Kilpatrick, Bill Cosby, Rudy Giuliani, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Antonio Villaraigosa. What do these men all have in common?

For many of us, our lives would be very different if men were as strong as women wished they were, sexually speaking. Many of us would have not been born if daddy wasn’t weak. As well, many of us would have been raised by a mommy and daddy under the same roof if men were not so weak.

The one answer to why men cheat that is undisputable but never acceptable to a woman’s ears is “it is Gods plan”. Women go to church far more then men. So they interpret the bible (written by old man) to be Gods will. “War and Peace” was also written by man…but yes I know, “the bible was INSPIRED by God”.

If you watch what animals do, hunt, kill, adapt and survive, they are without sin. I guess because they are not “smart” enough to read the bible. Less than 5% of mammals are monogamous, the prairie vole, black vulture and beavers to name a few. I’m not trying to defend men’s actions; I feel this web site display’s my ideal position. But we are discussing practicality here. If there were no difference between the two, this site would not exist.

If you capture a tiger and feed it everyday, will it loose its instinct to hunt? Will it not ever turn on you? Don’t ask Siegfried and Roy. But many men won’t admit to a social scientist this activity so there is no real way of knowing the percentage. As far as the scandalous-o-meter goes, women are holding their own. Who does more sexual dirt, men or women? That is another easy answer, that women turn a deaf ear again… I’ll put it to you like this, excluding homosexual activity, every time a man has sex, guess what… so does a woman. Ahhah. I majored in Quantitative Econometrics, so trust the numbers. “He lied to me and said he wasn’t in a relationship” mmmhm, you lied to yourself when you believed what you wanted to believe.

I know you are awaiting my answer to the titled question, but my only answer is when I’m faced with a presented opportunity I recite in my head:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

I need others to help me out with the answer to this one.

Anyone…Anyone???

Bueller…Bueller

(Crickets in the background…)

We will never find one person with all the qualities that we want. We have to give up some part of our “perfect person” simply because no one is perfect. We can construct a perfect person by taking parts or characteristics from many ex’s and roll them up in one perfect fantasy husband or wife.

“Dude, if she had the brains of Ariana, the tits of Liz, the ass of Tamara, the sense of humor of Nikki, plus a mute button, I’d be the happiest man in the world!”

So who get’s the prize? The one you love the most? Just as we shouldn’t pick the one with the most money, or the best arm trophy, love is only one aspect. A woman who loves a man that hits her may want to look at more than just love.

This flashback process assisted me in assuring myself that I was making the right decision to marry. My wife will tell you it was true and raw love that kept her with me when I was tripping. Raw love is great, but love without deep consideration of the commitment can get you in a situation that fades to black like a sunset. Being the over-analytical man that I am, I quantified all qualities by placing a numerical value from 1 through 5 to each of the aspects that I value in a woman. My wife’s value is incredibly off the chart. I couldn’t imagine living with the irritating splinter in the heart that people must feel while married to the wrong person, knowing there was a better match out there. I’ve known many people who felt very unfulfilled within their marriage, and to discuss with them where things went wrong, I can’t really pinpoint a particular juncture.

Love, trust, virtuosity, mutuality, intelligence, leadership, respect, money, stability, sense of humor, passion, appearance, power, strength, success, sensitivity…

The feelings that I’ve had for women in the past have prepared me and created a readiness for true love. There is no way this love is puppy love, this is grown folk love now. From my experience I am a better man. I know what it’s like to lose love, and to be torn and hurt. I now understand how my selfish actions can end in watching someone cry over me. That really burns the soul and forces me two steps further away from heaven. This power to hurt should be avoided with preemptive conscience.

Now I can take that experience and learn how to love my wife to the fullest extent of my existence. I think all of our experiences of the past are stepping stones that we stack up as we learn ourselves and learn what this world has to offer us. We step upward to the point we are ready to place a wife on the highest pedestal. Now we look up to her, love her like no other and kiss her deserving feet. I truly thank my wife for being more than I’ve ever seen, felt or known. Yet she still said yes, because I was lucky and ready.

May we all obtain and maintain

Within 30 seconds they are up in each others faces daring each other to “bust a move”.  So your man proceeds to take all his might to this guys jaw bone, but before your mans fist can make contact, the guys pinpoint jab hits your man dead in the forehead.  Next thing you see is your man falling in slow motion to the floor like an Oak tree in the woods. He hits the floor and doesn’t move as he is knocked totally unconscious for a good 2 minutes.

After the crowd clears, and security assists (carries) your man to his car, you began to try to grasp the nights sudden unfolding of events.  Does this affect his manhood in your eye? Is your ability to look at him as the strong protector gone forever?  What is the conversation in the car like?

Michelangelo's David

Originally published 3/30/09
Men need women for one reason only, that is to stroke their manhood. Manhood in a broader sense than just anatomy.  The definition of an independent woman and the definition of Manhood are different for each person. Yet as a couple, the two definitions must be agreed upon through discussion and practice.  This is what makes good matches last. After the relevance of exterior beauty fades, two people must agree on what limits her independence has, as well as how large is his manhood. Size does matter, every woman wants a man with a huge manhood. Every man portrays a huge manhood, even if he is lying to himself or the world. Sometimes in the heat of an argument a woman will swing a low blow by questioning a man’s manhood,

“Just be a man and tell me the truth!”

He thinks, “What? First of all, you don’t have a clue as to what manhood is” She thinks a “real man” would just fess up to his wrong doing, or automatically know when why and how he hurt her. For self preservation, men often deny that doing wrong is a negative reflection of their manhood. In actuality, he may have cheated on her or disregarded her feelings for the paramount reason of proving to himself that his manhood is strong. These incidences are when stark contrast are evident and must be hammered out between the two. Yet to preempt these arguments with a continuous conversation to better adjoin definitions will stave off a few miscommunications.

 Highly independent women tend to be less willing to stroke, what they perceive as shrinking manhoods. Their strong ways leave them less opportunity or less necessity to do those things that build men up and allows him to feel good about his role in the relationship. This is evident when men are threatened by a women’s success. He feels she may not need him as much and this translates into his perception of less manhood stroking; he feels emotionally neglected. If my wife received a promotion that increased her income to 40% higher than mine, will I feel uncomfortable? I say no, but men will not admit to this very often. According to my many interviews with women, many men respond negatively to women’s bold exhibitions of independence. There is a point where a woman’s drive and success become uncomfortable for the “average” man.  Some men’s manhood becomes threatened when a woman is reluctant to sit back and

“Let me handle this situation, woman”

and a power struggle ensues. This often marks the beginning of the end of the relationship that is slowly dying on the vine. As her confidence, income or education increases an “average” man may respond by doing things that take away from his image in her eyes.   She watches his manhood shrink. No woman wants to stroke a small manhood.

We can’t isolate people according to their views or definitions, but we can categorize people according to their current situations. So if we ask women that are 40ish+ that have never been married nor have children, we may be able to have a dialogue that sheds light on the ability to stay true to the higher standards that they deserve.  Many lesser women settle for less and live in regret while having children with the wrong man.  Many of these women soon learn the importance of recapturing and embracing their independence.

So if you are a self described Independent woman, 40ish+, never married, with no children I beg the question: “What is wrong with these men?” Please comment and let us know how you’ve managed to maintain a high standard and not settle on the inadequacies that are out there?   Yet if you are an independent women who once lost your independence and allowed the wrong man in your life, please share your enlightenment so that we can all see.

Today we had our monthly Men’s meeting. 15 men ages 17 to 60 converged at Joe’s house for some BBQ on his back porch. I brought Jarell, one of my little brothers from Big Brothers of America. This was the first meeting he has attended since we’ve been doing them. I met Jarell when he was 12, he is now 24. He came over my house to discuss a business proposition two days ago. He expressed his short attention span and how he has so many interests yet he lacks the focus to see things from start to finish. I’ve always been concerned for Jarell. But after today I know Jarell will be just fine in life.   

Jarell was the star of this meeting. His insight regarding his own generation and his ability to quote authors and tie in history to validate his point was magnificent. Even his questions were on point. The elders of the group all agreed that Jarell gave them a bit of knowledge that has created a deeper dimension to their understanding of the younger generation.

The beauty of our meetings is that no one speaks down to another; we all are there to receive as well as deposit knowledge and perspective. I believe Jarell’s A.D.D. is a part of his seeking of life’s lessons from differing angels. I know that with a sprinkle more of maturity Jarell will find his niche and rip a hole in this world and make his own positive mark of representation.