We will never find one person with all the qualities that we want. We have to give up some part of our “perfect person” simply because no one is perfect. We can construct a perfect person by taking parts or characteristics from many ex’s and roll them up in one perfect fantasy husband or wife.

“Dude, if she had the brains of Ariana, the tits of Liz, the ass of Tamara, the sense of humor of Nikki, plus a mute button, I’d be the happiest man in the world!”

So who get’s the prize? The one you love the most? Just as we shouldn’t pick the one with the most money, or the best arm trophy, love is only one aspect. A woman who loves a man that hits her may want to look at more than just love.

This flashback process assisted me in assuring myself that I was making the right decision to marry. My wife will tell you it was true and raw love that kept her with me when I was tripping. Raw love is great, but love without deep consideration of the commitment can get you in a situation that fades to black like a sunset. Being the over-analytical man that I am, I quantified all qualities by placing a numerical value from 1 through 5 to each of the aspects that I value in a woman. My wife’s value is incredibly off the chart. I couldn’t imagine living with the irritating splinter in the heart that people must feel while married to the wrong person, knowing there was a better match out there. I’ve known many people who felt very unfulfilled within their marriage, and to discuss with them where things went wrong, I can’t really pinpoint a particular juncture.

Love, trust, virtuosity, mutuality, intelligence, leadership, respect, money, stability, sense of humor, passion, appearance, power, strength, success, sensitivity…

The feelings that I’ve had for women in the past have prepared me and created a readiness for true love. There is no way this love is puppy love, this is grown folk love now. From my experience I am a better man. I know what it’s like to lose love, and to be torn and hurt. I now understand how my selfish actions can end in watching someone cry over me. That really burns the soul and forces me two steps further away from heaven. This power to hurt should be avoided with preemptive conscience.

Now I can take that experience and learn how to love my wife to the fullest extent of my existence. I think all of our experiences of the past are stepping stones that we stack up as we learn ourselves and learn what this world has to offer us. We step upward to the point we are ready to place a wife on the highest pedestal. Now we look up to her, love her like no other and kiss her deserving feet. I truly thank my wife for being more than I’ve ever seen, felt or known. Yet she still said yes, because I was lucky and ready.

May we all obtain and maintain

First and foremost…Happy birthday to you.  Secondly, thank you for all that you’ve done for me.  You gave me life and you raised me with sacrifice and love.  For you I will always be grateful. Yet I send this letter to express my true feelings as no card of Hallmark could be so true and honest.  

I apologize for not being the son that you would like for me to be.  I’ve tried to balance your wants with my needs and there is too much conflict to settle both ends amicably.  Please do not disregard my true apology due to the fact that it is not accompanied by regret.  I don’t regret, yet I accept the way life is for us both together or separate.  If you can live with your demons, and I can not assist you in resolving them, I am under an obligation to embrace all sides of you.  As I battle to banish my own demons, I hope that you can accept me despite.  Ideally we would present a united front against the demons that pose a threat to our family, yet we have been opposed to one another for a long while.  Our ability to share a goal and push towards a common outcome has been tarnished. 

If my actions towards you are cold, it is against my wishes to have such feelings towards the woman that gave me life.  If my willingness to go the extra mile is met with fatigue, please understand that it is against my wishes to have such feelings towards the woman that gave me life.  If our hugs feel more like chokes as opposed to embraces, know that it is against my wishes to have such feelings towards the woman that gave me life.

In my mind, I often call you and you give me words of encouragement, you tell me how proud of me you are.  You ask me if I’ve been eating healthy, and if I am happy with life.  You even give me wondrous enlightenment that I cherish and become a better man for.  In my mind you sometimes come over and surprise my children, wife and I with a delicate pastry and a story of family history that we sit at your feet and envision for clarity of who we are.  From knowing our past through you we look forward to our future with promise.  In my mind these things give me comfort, solidarity and peace.  Without these things, there lies deep within me a small hole that presents a blank spot in my ability to truly appreciate the entirety of my purpose.   

Today, on your birthday I learn to adore all that you have done positive in my life and forgive all not so positive.  I beg of you to do the same for me.  If you are to see God before me, please defend my actions, as I will plea for understanding of your perspective if I meet him first.

Atone

Originally  published 11/3/08

While I’m sitting in my office at 4:55 p.m. working myself into a flurry, I hear people talking outside of my office about the death of Obama’s grandmother. Even though I’m fighting timelines, I pause my work. Dazed, I pull up the news on-line, I read carefully as tears collect in my eyes. I look out of my window and give a moment to mourn with the Obama family. I fight to hold back tears because I’m at work and I don’t want anyone to walk into my office at this moment.

This hit me hard, it hit me deeply. My father was 57 years old when I was born. My mother was 28, a hot young red head with an attitude. Dad was the coolest cat this side of Central blvd, and a sugar daddy as he pulled a lot of weight for a Black man in those days. My parents divorced when I was 3. He told me after his passing (through prayer and meditation) that he wanted a son. Hence, my two older sisters, then me, then the divorce. Not that he left my mother after he had his son, but he let her go once he had me. He had little reason to fight her any longer.

Dad and I were close, given the fact that he was retired and financially secure when I was born he had all the time in the world for me. We spent countless hours on the golf course together, then to McDonalds. He’d run short on cash and we’d go back to the house so he could dip into the safe, then off we were again.

Born in 1913, my Dad was the quiet type. He was a track and field high jump and long jump star in high school until he dropped out to support his mother after his father passed away. He had already lost both his elder siblings in the flu epidemic of the 1920’s. My son is the last of the Harris bloodline.

I graduated college in the Spring of 1996. My dad was very ill with cancer, at the time and living in Oregon with my much older half sister. He barely had the strength but he flew back out one hot June day to see his boy graduate college. We were so proud of us that day. After my graduation, the family went back to my aunts house. My dad went to lay down in the bedroom, I followed. We spent hours just laying there. We didn’t say much, but the bond that we had required no words. He was the only man I ever feared. I never have had so much respect for another human being.

In July I was scheduled to take my stockbrokers licensing exams. The first one was the National test, it was tough. The second one was 3 weeks later, an easier California exam. One week after passing the national exam, I learned that my dad had passed away. I could not comprehend a sentence, let alone study or pass an exam. For two weeks I had many weak attempts of reading, but a could not read through the blurring tears. I don’t remember anything about the funeral except for my dad. It was like no one was there but me and his body. I remember shapes and I remember distant echos of voices.

I relied on the knowledge that I acquired studying for the first exam and I passed the second. My dad stayed alive to see me graduate. It was so important that I graduate for him, it was so important for him to witness that. Once that was done, he could not fight any longer. He had accomplished all that he needed to. On July 14th, 1996 my father left for home. Even though I fought the tears earlier, my face is drenched as I write these words. Some tears are for my father, some tears are for Madelyn Payne Dunham.

Plant the seeds and watch them grow, then you may pass with a content heart

Chapter two, “The small lows pale in comparison to the high heights of our good times” as you explain challenges may attempt to interfere but nothing can come between our love and life long commitment to be supportive in our victories and comforting in our defeats. We understood that when God gets busy, the devil gets anxious.

Chapter three, “As I lay here on my death bed” with the enormous love from our great-great grand children surrounding me in this year 2084 I tell them this story of the greatest love ever. I reminisce about how I always joked with her that I’d outlive her. She died a short while ago. But when she did I had a sky window placed above our bed so that she can look down upon me with protection while I rest. Sometimes in the middle of the night when the moonlight is just right I can see her perched on a cloud as if it were the hand of God, looking down from the heavens with arms stretched out for me. I comfort her with “Soon baby, soon we will be together again”. From our prior lives, to this life, and on to the next one, we will be together forever, this is what soulmates do.

Pride & Accomplishment

Every six weeks I get a group of men from ages 16 to 65 together to discuss the various topics facing men today. Our next breakfast is this Sunday and I’m looking forward to it. This is just a part of my effort to buy credit with God. When I attempt to enter the pearly gates of heaven, it will help me build a counter argument against the devil that currently has a strong case against me. Spending time to benefit others as opposed to just myself is purposeful time spent.

I am inviting a recent college grad and a hero of mine, Peter Tadros to the breakfast. After we lost contact a number of years ago, He Googled me to invite me to attend his college graduation. He gives me the credit of encouraging him to pursue a college education through my work with my non-profit. Last week we both shared in the pride of his accomplishment.  I have faith that his accomplishments are his alone and he’d be successful with or without my help. Yet for what ever positive force I may have represented to him, I am truly grateful. The opportunity to inspire and witness people overcoming their own doubt is a gift from God. Peter Tadros and I are each others Hero.

My Wedding Vows

Whosoever recognizes and honors the gifts of God, recognizes and honors God himself.  Brandy I honor God as I honor you, my true gift.  This world is abound with disingenuous and ungiving people.  God has blessed me with you, a precious gift of genuine and giving divine sustenance.

I ask God how do I remain worthy of such a gift.  Through prayer, I find the answer is to devote my being to maintaining and remaining  steadfast to being your answer, being your encourager, being your strong and solid rock of love and support from this day forward.

Today I get to look into the eyes of my best friend and make the total commitment of mind, body and soul.

Today I get to look into the eyes of my soul mate and finally make my life complete.

In the past we’ve tried to remain just best friends, but we could not fight Gods plan, what was meant to be.

I could no longer fight the fact that there is no one else on Earth that I trust with my heart, with my children and with my dreams.

I could no longer fight the fact that there is no one else on Earth that I want by my side throughout all time.

I could no longer fight the fact that there is no one else on Earth that will always love me for the most simple of me, and the most complex of me.

On this momentous day, I give you my name, I give you my heart and I give my word that I do, and I will until God says there is no more, I will love you forever more.  Thank you Brandy Harris for being my wife, I love you.

For the past 10 years, I would periodically (every 3 or 4 months) take my children, one at a time, to Norms.  We would sit at the counter and have hot coco.  I would do something strange and goofy like ask the waitress for a pen and write something on a napkin like a riddle or a trick question and I’d pass it to my child to write or color in something on the napkin.  Something else I did with my daughter once was just start laughing and laughing, she asked  what was I laughing at as she started to laugh herself, I laughed so hard that I couldn’t respond where she could figure out what I was saying.  Then I slowed down.  She asked again, “what’s so funny?” I responded, “I don’t know” and I’d bust up laughing again.  She started to laugh hard and we sat there laughing at each others laugh for 10 minutes.  My daughters laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world to me; it is the soundtrack to my clarity and purpose. I believe when I rest in peace, her laugh will always be with me.  

During our coco time I would get in the mindset that I was the same age as them and I’d enjoy the coco like I used to as a kid, whip cream mustaches, blowing bubbles with a straw and all.  They’d put their guards down and our conversations would be very different, enlightening and invaluable.  My kids began to ask to go to Norms for hot coco.  They wanted to eventually go together, so sometimes we all three would go.  We all love hot coco, but deep down I believe that hot coco anywhere else on the planet is not the same as hot coco at Norms.   

Child support- $850.  Norms hot coco- $3.50.  Quality time with children- Priceless…

Will & Trey Smith

I pledge to you,
I will always do
Everything I can
Show you how to be a man
Dignity, integrity, honor and

Lyric of the week

 John Q – John Q. Archibald displays his passion at denying the thought of his son dying due to a failing heart and inadequate healthcare coverage.  As a father, this is the most personally touching cinematic moment I have ever experienced.  We must do what ever it takes to plan,  protect and provide for our families.

As a contributor-volunteer I was surveyed by www.barackobama.com. They asked the following questions – How would you like to see this organization move forward in the months and years ahead? And how would you like to be engaged as a volunteer and organizer?:

I would like Obama to have a new grassroots initiative every quarter that is publicized through news outlets and his web-site. These quarterly initiatives are fund raisers for a particular cause. This will be an alternative to higher taxation. It gives Americans an option to direct Government funds to the initiatives they want. Hence, if they don’t want their tax dollars used for a particular initiative, they will not participate. Those who want to help fund certain programs have the ability to donate a single or a monthly contribution. This will reduce taxes and the participation is in direct relationship to American’s interest in the resolution. It also puts to rest many conservative’s argument against income redistribution. Each initiative will have its own link from barackobama.com. Each link will have a program description as well as a monthly progress and results report with full transparency. News broadcasters may investigate the results as Americans help Americans willingly. To keep cost low, private industry may bid on certain functions as long as they meet community building parameters such as hiring from within the served community. The initiatives will also utilize volunteers and interested youth for paid internships to pay for higher education or student loan forgiveness. We should want all Americans to have contributed to at least one cause. This will enhance the effort to engage Americans in actively promoting social change. A common question among Americans will be, and the question I pose to you is “What’s your cause?”