Sex on the first date
Men, if a woman has sex with you on the first date do you lose respect for her or instantly put her in the hoe category? Women, have you ever held out just because you wanted to maintain respect even though you really wanted to go there?
Is there anything wrong with two adults doing what adults do, on the first date? How may that affect your perception of each other? In my opinion, most of us have or will live a wholesome lifestyle and a more adventurous lifestyle during brief or rotating phases in our lives. Just because you met her and she was living without inhibitions, may not mean that she is a hoe that can’t be turned into a housewife. Or if he was sowing his royal oats at one point may not mean that he is incapable of being your everything.
Some men have what it takes to get women in bed quicker than other men. So given individual skill-sets, men tend to have varying batting averages. If it normally takes you a long while to get to that intimate level with women, you probably struggle with making a women feel comfortable and sexy. You may need to focus on building trust and exuding sensuality without the pervert overtone. This is a difficult balancing act if it doesn’t come naturally, but well worth the effort.
I tend to focus on romance and emotional connections and never focus on sex. On average, women view sex as an expression of something deeper. Hence, if we men focus on the deeper points, then sex will naturally follow. Given this, I rarely think of sex on the first date as being a negative reflection of her. It often times represents the deeper connection that we may share. The question afterwards is, “where do we take this connection from here?”
While I have never had sex on a first date and I do respect myself and my body, that choice (for me) has nothing to do with my level of self respect or if he will respect me in the morning. For me, sex is more than a physical act. It is a mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional connection that I choose to share with another person. It is in this exchange that the very esscence of a person can be known. For this reason, I consider sex the by-product of various experiences and feelings. For me, a connection on that level has never been accomplished on a first, second, or even third date. This does not mean that I may not find him sexually attractive but, because I consider sex an exchange rather than an act, I need to be sure that this is someone who can appreciate the experience of me and what I bring to the exchange as well as someone who can freely give what I need and/or desire during the exchange and afterward. This is something that I need personally, but I see nothing wrong with adult people doing adult things on the first date (or any other time) if both parties are comfortable with it.
I think it all depends on how well the 2 people are connecting; if the chemistry is there, than it shouldn’t matter if you wait 1 date or 10. If I am sexually attracted to you and we have the chemistry, and I know Im gonna give it to you in a couple of months anyway, why play games and wait. It doesn’t mean Im easy or a hoe, Im just comfortable with my sexuality. You cant set an arbitrary period of time before that sort of contact happens. Yeah, sure, wait until you’re ready, but there’s no way to know ahead of time that you’ll be ready on the 10th date. If you have a number in your head, it’s game playing of some sort. Ultimately, to each his or her own. People should do what makes them feel good. Everyone is different, and everyone has different criteria for this sort of thing. It’s real chemistry that leads to relationship stability, holding out does not mean that it will insure the relationship.
Oh boy, relations on the first date. Who would have thought their baby girl would be taking some man to paradise after spending 2 hours with him! Here’s what I think, EVERYONE HAS DONE IT! However, just like stealing, who admits to something like that? I do, if I want to…I will, simple! I don’t put time limits or emotional connection on anything. Hormones and libido control that, heck, nobody can scare me with a good time! But if the package is infantile, I will get up! I’m not waisting a number on that! I think as women, our sexuality has been socially oppressed for so long we are afraid to get what feels good to us. People can call it what they want; hoe, freak, tramp, slut, loose, hussie, easy…whatever, as long as I like it and I want it, then I’m good! I will say this though, as a woman, because of social customs and basic human conditioning, if you do escort a man to paradise on date one…go ahead and put one in the loss column. That man will never truly trust you or respect you. No matter what he says, it WILL come up again and you WILL get sick of hearing about it argument after argument! There have been countless times when I have chosen to keep the aspirin tightly secured between my knees for long periods of time. But then there’s those men I just got to have. Hey, and that’s the nature of the relationship…fun, I see nothing wrong with that. I think people get way too out of pocket and think they are farther up on the roster than they really are. If the QB stays in the pocket then the O-line will protect him against all the emotional wrecks throwing vajeje for yardage and hopefully he will “connect” with the WR (wife material) for positive yardage and a first down! So, although I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “gettin it in” on date one, if you are truly interested in a man, as a woman…you need to inch towards your goal(successful relationship). Don’t go for the long ball when you can run a couple cross pass for positive yardage!
Oh my!… I am guilty of this pleasure. What can i say? The man had more skills than most and he was FINE as all Heaven!. Don’t get it twisted, it wasn’t my intention to make the “Coochie” easy, nor did he pursue me, with the intent to run game. The intensity of the emotional connection was SUPREME! like no other. We met at a family/friend social (12:30am), was formally introduced by a mutual acquaintance (2:00pm) and we responded to one another so comfortably, as if we had known each other for YEARS!. Throughout the rest of the day events, we were randomly flirting (smiling & winking) with one another at every opportunity we caught glimpse of the other. I thought to myself, (smiling) “he think he cute.” Long story short: The social ended at 6:00pm, somehow we both left without saying good-bye. He called me at 7:30pm, we talked on the phone until 2:00a.m. He was at my front door at 2:20am with a BEAUTIFUL ARRANGEMENT OF FLOWERS! I was like, “How the HELL?” (he had gotten them earlier during the day, shortly after we met) During the course of our 6-1/2 hr, uninhibited, intimate phone conversation (with Floetry, Joe, Jaheem and Missy Elliot’s: “Pussy Don’t Fail Me Now,” playing in my background) he openly expressed to me his lack of control as to how he felt about me. This was not some Typical, Strategically Planned Booty Call either!!. We were two “GROWN ASS” responsible adults, responding to one another, DOIN WHAT GROWN FOLK DO!!.
**************Personal Disclaimer: My 1st time & only time*****************Thus far (wink x2).
Two years and a few tears later, we were reflecting back on the day we met….We laughed, lusted and lived for the moment. We never made it to that first date.
I’m really tickled by this topic. I think most grown people have done it as well. I’ve done it more than my share but I have a new rule. If I am taken to this point I just end the date and go in and call someone else to get it wetter. I don’t think men respect you after you do this. If we do get it the first date we should know it isn’t going any further. He will either become a buddy or wrestling buddy but not boyfriend. The only thing I really want to address is in the article it was said some men have the ability to get women in bed quicker than others. I think today, we women are getting men into bed at will. I don’t think there is one man I can’t seduce. Old, young, single, married, engaged, cripple or blind. There are just certain things men can’t refuse for long. They may not openly admit it but I’ve had my way with the men in my life.
Qui,
You may be able to seduce any man you want, but there are some men you won’t go out with. And there are some men that by mid-date, are not going to get your cookie. Then there are the others.
I feel that sex should be with more than just someone I am attracted to for a night. Sex should be with someone I know, someone I trust, someone I care about. I’m more into making love…not just having sex on the first night because I have no self control.
I can count the number of men that I’ve been with using my fingers and a couple of toes (not to say that this is bad or good). Personally, one date isn’t typically enough time for me to determine if a person is worth increasing my numbers for.
Well, I certaintly appreciate patience. When I decide to give up my valuables then I will make sure they are taken care of to the best of my ability . So once a this person has grasped my mind in a way that my body also desires some of that action it is on…..
I was always hesitant of having sex on the first date, however, I have gotten close but it wasn’t with the right person, there was no real connection between us. I also think that over time when you are in a relationship and you really fall in love, intimacy will definitely follow, I think that’s when it becomes special, more so if you know you want to marry that person.