Dating cost – General rule
Date number #1 – Coffee, juice bar, drinks, the beach. Spend no more than 3 hours of wages or $50.
Date number #2 – If date #1 had an inconclusive emotional connection, repeat #1. If there was a good connection, Spend 4 hours of wages or $75.
Date number #3 – If you are really feeling this woman and she has given you a reason to think she is feeling you, and not just using your money for entertainment on a Thursday night, Spend as much as you want.
Date number #4 – There is no date #4. She must ask you out and offer to pay. If she doesn’t pay by date #4 you may visit, hang out with her and meet her places and go dutch on the bill. If she questions you about paying, tell her that you don’t want to interfere or interrupt her independence, and you want to give her an opportunity to prove that money is not an object between you.
Wow! Who came up with this three date rule and cost guidelines? For DATE #1 -If you deem a woman worthy of asking out, you should ask her out and do something mutally entertaining for the both of you. (Keep in mind that you may actually want to see her again.) Cost should not be a factor; the exception being your budget. (Everybody has bills to pay!) For DATE #2- See DATE # 1. DATE #3- Is how one should behave anyway. AND, there should be a fourth, fifth, sixth, etc until it is determined that this arrangement is going nowhere or somewhere you don’t wish to go. This is not to say that a woman should never pay for a date. While she should never be required to pay, if she likes you and the general direction things are going AND you have consistently paid for your mutual entertainment, I don’t find it unthinkable that she would pick up the tab now and then.
“If she doesn’t pay by date #4 you may visit, hang out with her and meet her places and go dutch on the bill. If she questions you about paying, tell her that you don’t want to interfere or interrupt her independence…” This translates to me as “If after three dates she doesn’t offer to pay, then she’s going in the friend zone.” She may really like him but he didn’t want to invest the time and/or money to find out. Then guys wonder how THEY end up in the friend zone.
Go MsPhoenix! I was just looking at all these “Dating Tips” and was wondering….WTF?! Game recognizes game. I understand some people may need a little help in the creative department, but I find when efforts come from the heart, all theses pseudo-romantic jesters bowl down to “Ten ways to try to get into a girls panties.” (or some crap like that).
Here’s a dating tip….BE YOURSELF!
I know JH is smooth so my statement doesn’t apply to you.
But really JH, not all men can pull it off like you do. Just keep it real fellas.
Cold ain’t it? How dare those men actually put a price tag on love? Dating is supposed to be about companionship and sharing from the heart, not money. If you feel compelled to spend money on a women, then you should do it. Hey, you have a job, you’ll make more.
FORGET THAT, If money is irrelevant, then let the women pay, sit back and let them hunt you. They are the one’s with the grand plans of family anyway. They have more job security then men, right? Women are always trying to get over. From buying them drinks at a club when you first see them, to the diamond worth 4 months of income. These rules are not rules at all, they are a reminder that men should be aware of how much money they are spending on these random chicks.
Back in the day I dated a chick that was a friend of the family. She was living with her dope dealing “ex-boyfriend” at the time. She was accustomed to easy money and the fast lifestyle. She wondered why I was so “cheap”. We didn’t make it past two months for many reasons. Years later she was invited by my family to one of my parties at my house. After admiring my spread, she confessed to me that she found out the hard way and respects why I was “frugal” with my money. She said, once she was solely responsible for the financial well being of her daughter she realized that priorities must be evaluated. She connected the fact that if I where so busy running up credit debt trying to impress random chicks and not saving I may not have been able to build this home for my children.
Men, can you buy love? Women, can your love be bought? If you accept a date with a man that may be a 6 out of 10 (personality-wise), does he need a nice car and spend more cash on you to get to third base with you? Sounds suspect to me. If a big spender can buy what he wants from you, let us know. But if my homeboy, Mr. #6 will just be used up where he will end up 35 years old, broke with no woman, house or savings account, I need to speak on it.
You must consider your dating patterns. If you are slowly and selectively dating one or two women at a time, then you may be a bit more liberal with the cash flow. But if you believe in quantity before quality and you date 2 or 3 times a week “in search of your queen”, then dating can get costly. If you go too long doing that, by the time you find her, you may be too broke, bad credit or not have enough appreciable assets to keep her. Especially when you only attract gold diggers to begin with.
If you work on your conversation & romance game (what this site is dedicated to) instead of expensive threads and car detailing, you may be in a better position to attract women that fall for who you are. And aviod women who use you for the Night-on-the-town entertainment you can provide her. Investing in one-on-one time with no movie, play, or comedian to distract you from getting to know each other is a worthy investment. Any woman that needs Denzel Washington to swoon her is not the one for you. If lobster dinner has to speak for you while on a date, then look inward my brother. Lobster and steak will not sustain a healthy relationship. Once you stop thinking, “I gotta spend”, and start focusing on, “I gotta be”, you will see your outcomes change.
Beautiful women eat good. If you want to impress a beautiful woman, you have to be something that she rarely sees. You have to say things (sincerely) that she rarely hears. If you take her to an expensive restaurant and the waiter knows her by her first name, you are not moving to the front of her line. Don’t get played. If she is a quality woman, that is genuinely interested in who you are, she should have no problem with you not spending money on her after a bunch of dates, and she will offer to take you out.
Men, if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in the friend zone time and time again, and you have to pay to keep yourself in the picture, you should not be taking financial, nor dating tips from those women who say, “spend spend spend”. Keep it real fellas, if you can’t drop $150 every time you go out with a women, then don’t do it for the first 3 dates.
Well JH you done started some ish now. Here I go with the situation. Why does there have too be rules. Though I think women of today are very hard to impress you might have to spend a bit more if your really diggn her. On the 2nd date I think it could be like the 1st and if she offers that is cool too but the woman should step up too the plate and do something in return and that doesn’t mean that she owes him the panties. There should be a sign of gratitude of some kind coming from her if she is diggn him. The dates should be about just having a good time and getting to know one another.
Men tend to spend more money on women that are out of their league. Hence, there chances are slim from the start. Men tend to get the women that are in their league, without the big down payment. So lower your standards or raise your league/game.
Women, are you more likely to fall for a man if he spends “a lot” of money on you?
Woman, are you more likely to go on a second date with a man that spent “a lot” of money on you on the first date?
Women, are you more likely to sleep with a man that spent “a lot” of money on you?
Women, are you more likely to fall for a man that you slept with?
Ladies,due to the profession in which populates JH bank account, I don’t think we are going to win this one. Although I do not agree with the rules originally stated, I 100% agree with JH following post. If a man takes me out on a date, says he’s works in construction (as most unemployed men do) and spends what appears to be a full weeks pay. I’m not impressed at all, I’m suspect! What does he want, how am I getting out of this with my panties on and I wonder if he expects anything in return? When getting to know someone I do not want to awkwardly sit across from him in an upscale restaurant critiquing his table manners (because I do), laughing on the inside because he used the incorrect fork or worrying I will mis pronounce my selection! I’d much rather do short, meaningful activities that will effortlessly engage the two of us. But not allow for my weaker areas to surface immediately! Maybe that’s just because I’m boring and typically do not open up about anything until I see ALL his cards first. I am an extremely hard first, second date…usually don’t make it to the third…lol! Am I more likely to fall for the guy that dropped his entire pay check, Absolutely not! I’m probably laughing on the inside wondering why would he do that for a thank you. Would I go out with him again, probably so…as a reliever not starter! And falling for a man you slept with…hmmm! Depends, in which capacity “slept with” we are talking about. There are some men I can care less about and I’ve slept with them countless times. There’s some I care for but haven’t “fallen” for. And there’s those that I’ve fallen for but unsure if the sex was the reason. So unless there’s a more clear way of asking that question, I’d say it varies! But here is where I will contradict myself, my current dude spent huge amounts partying (during his initial hunt) and made sure I was at every event in attempts to impress me(self professed)! Not sure if it “impressed” me but it sure as heck was a ball and ultimately got my attention… Mission accomplished, over and out…j/k! Although we still party kind of hard, he is no longer dropping stacks on bottle service, VIP booths and “whatever” I want! We still party with bottle service every now and again and I still get what I want, but if I get too out of hand he will tell me how much to kick in once that tab comes! However, I do not think a man should spend tons of cash on a female he is getting to know! But under no circumstances am I paying on date three either!
“You must consider your dating patterns. If you are slowly and selectively dating one or two women at a time, then you may be a bit more liberal with the cash flow. But if you believe in quantity before quality and you date 2 or 3 times a week “in search of your queen”, then dating can get costly.” If this is the premise for the “rules” I would have to say I agree with JH. “If you work on your conversation & romance game (what this site is dedicated to) instead of expensive threads and car detailing, you may be in a better position to attract women that fall for who you are… Investing in one-on-one time with no movie, play, or comedian to distract you from getting to know each other is a worthy investment.” Again, I agree with JH, to get to know a woman you MUST invest. Whether it is investing your hard earned dollars or spending your valuable time getting to know her and allowing her to get to know you, you have to give up something. It goes back to the man being the hunter. Surely the hunter doesn’t expect the hunted to cover the cost of buckshot! Once it has been established that this going in the direction that is acceptable to both of you (and she allows herself to be caught), I am sure she will assist with the financial aspects of dating.
Very funny, I actually agree with J Harris. I don’t want mc donalds but a prospective couple should get to know each other for the true person not what they think they can get from one another. i also think everyone unless married has dating patterns. lots of people, men and women date 2 or more people at a time. that is normal, men just pay most times. like MsPhoenix and pc , i do not agree with the woman paying on date #4. a man should court the woman for as long as it takes to secure her trust. but once in a relationship i think man and woman should share the cost. i just want to say again how much i like the site. i dont have much time right now but i plan on reading every topic.
God Bless
Man you can’t spend a lot of money or time on the majority of the ones that you are physically attracted to. Most of us men are attracted to the well kept women, well hell, who’s paying for all that up keep? More importantly who is going to continue to pay for it? I learned at a early age, if you take a woman out in a nice vehicle you don’t have to spend a lot of money and she will knock you down. You won’t have to chase her. Most women are so into securing a lucrative future they play themselves, we don’t have to. They are impressed with the nice car ride they want to see what else they can get out of you so the superficial ones use their only trick…their paradise! I agree with the concept, I don’t know if I use this order specifically but I do test the waters to see if the woman is willing to pay. If so, it will probably be her first and last time because I am a man that takes care of his leading lady. Good post!!!
An independent woman that is secure about who she is and what she wants is not easily impressed. It takes more than cold hard cash and shiny trinkets to get my attention. The truth of the matter is that I can buy all that for myself, I don’t NEED a man to do me financially. Personally I find men who subscribe to the notion if they spend lots of cash then they will get a quality woman are delusional. To me men who call them selves “ballers” and spend money like it grows on trees are boring and pathetic and will only take them so far. Sure they will attract women (lots of them too) and believe me they will get in the panties too and if that’s all they are looking for then cool. But quality women don’t fall for that…real recognize real. I would much rather deal with someone who may not be able to spend a stack of cash on me but can make me laugh and is generous with his time and heck yeah I’ll even offer to pay… if he lets me cool, if he doesn’t even cooler.
Don’t get it twisted gentlemen…even though I am independent and will pick up a check or two…I do like being taken care of and pampered. However it should be because you are into me and want to do things for me NOT for any other reason and I’ll do the same.
“I would much rather deal with someone who may not be able to spend a stack of cash on me but can make me laugh and is generous with his time and heck yeah I’ll even offer to pay…”. Are you sure girl? No matter how independent a woman is, all that humor and time turns into “fool go get a job”. For me, dating a man that makes less or can’t provide as much is one thing but marrying that joker is another! And since “forever ever after” is typically the goal for heterosexual consenting relationships, I couldn’t date a man with flat pockets but I could casually befriend him!
I am laughing hysterically. The independent woman in me says to agree with B.A.W.B but the realest in me totally agrees with GFP. Even if we don’t need your money you definitely need to have some. Kahlil, that test is crap. Impressed with a nice car? You must deal with hood rats, every one has a nice car these days. Personally I’m looking for the home owners with average cars because that means the bank accounts are fat, not a whole list of bill pay dates. Casually befriend him, I’m still laughing. That is so mean. I adore this site and topic.
When I date a man he should give me at least what I’m accustomed to. Growing up, I was able to order anything, I mean anything and as much as I wanted from the .99 cents side of the menu. LOL
Seriously – going out on a date and calculating how much a man or woman spends is irrelevant. What’s more important is if I had a good time or not.
I agree with jif, that the woman should step up to the plate and do something in return as well. However, I really don’t think that money should always play apart in dating all the time. Dating should be about getting to know that individual, not money. Now if you’re going to spend money, it should be for the purpose of the date. Like if its a picnic at the park, or the beach; money goes for the items used for that date. I agree, that if there is going to be a date that requires money, then who ever asked, should pay. That’s going to the movies, dinner, so forth. So if there isn’t any money, you’re not going out? Please, there’s these two things called the moon and the sun. Take your two legs, God gave you both and take a walk; go watch the sun set, or even raise, at a beach or a park. There are so many other ways to date without money. Get into each others minds, not the pockets.