Balancing Attentiveness with manliness – Why men just don’t get it
Attentiveness is defined as thoughtfulness and giving someone special treatment. Manliness can be described as masculinity. So, each man that enters a relationship must contemplate how to balance the two. If he is too attentive, he may lose self respect or respect from his male friends, and even eventually from his woman. Women usually claim that they want a man that is attentive. But the question is, how attentive should he be? This is where women and men clash. see “The Eve Complex” for men getting ran over.
Women often want men to cater to their feelings. But this is often times unrealistic due to the fact that men are emotionally handicapped relative to women. Out of necessity of our God given responsibilities, our emotions have a shut-off valve that is uncontrollable at times. As we mature within a relationship, we attempt to control the flow of emotions to a manageable level. Too much flow of emotions and we start to doubt our own manliness. Too little emotions and our women are less and less satisfied.
Attentiveness comes from an emotional state, thus is a struggle for most men to maintain on a consistent basis. Women’s ability to do this is evidenced by their nurturing nature; this nature also creates a mental barrier to fully understanding the depth of male perceived manliness. This is just one of the frictional points that are common in most romantic relationships, I’m just pointing out the obvious, so both parties can make some concessions regarding the nature of their partner.
Please reverse this for a second… can a woman be too attentive? Although I have my PHD in stroking manly egos, I have an extremely weak gag reflex when its actually coming from the heart. Too much mushy crap annoys me… however I watch my brothers wife and she is so attentive it appears to be fake and insincere (if that makes any sense). I often wonder what my brother is really thinking… she lowers her voice to almost a whisper when she talks to him and agrees with EVERYTHING he is saying. Much like my personality, my brother is extremely nonchalant so he doesn’t show many emotions. But it annoys the crap out of me. Can a man’s ego be stroked too much? Can a woman be too attentive or nurturing?
Men and women are like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Everyone has their individual preference as to how much jelly is too much. If the peanut butter is being overpowered by the jelly, then maybe jelly can stop laying it on so thick. This is the process of relationship development.
I’d venture to state that, most men will agree that women at times can be too jellyish. How often this over jelly occurs will play a roll in how his feelings and willingness develops. Some men have a higher tolerance for the mushy stuff. Some men need a lot. Some men want a women who can drink beer from the bottle, watch the game on the other side of the couch and suck it up when times get tough.
wouldn’t lack of communication be the main mishap for having too much peanut butter or too much jelly?
Not always, sometimes people find themselves forever engaged in conversation because they are not understanding each other. As well, you can have great communication, but if the flame is going out and you feel differently, talking will not help.
I DON’T KNOW, I’M NOT CONVINCED THAT EXCESSIVE TALKING EVER REALLY HELPS. I THINK MOST PEOPLE SAY WHAT THEY SHOULD SAY RATHER THEN WHAT THEY TRULY MEAN. I THINK YOU CAN FIND MORE OUT ABOUT A PERSON THROUGH NON VERBAL COMMUNICATIONS, ACTIONS AND WHAT THEY HAVE PURPOSELY OMITTED FROM VERBAL COMMUNICATIONS. IN MY EXPERIENCE, WHEN SOMEONE BEGINS TO “SEARCH” FOR THE RIGHT WORDS, THAT IS TYPICALLY THE PART YOU SHOULD PAY MOST ATTENTION TO AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY ARE NOT SAYING. AS FOR THE JELLY ANALOGY, THAT’S THE BEAUTY ABOUT A WOMAN… WE ARE ADAPTABLE TO DIVERSE JELLY ROLES DEPENDING ON THE SITUATION. OR WE SHOULD BE….
Good point GFP.
And I love the Peanut Butter & Jelly Analogy; it’s right on. Except I can’t help but to think about the men who like all Peanut Butter (w/out the Jelly) sandwiches. But I guess that would be a whole different relationship enchilada.
In this case, I mean a whole different sandwich.