Is untrusting equal to untrustworthy
Are you obligated to trust the person you are in a relationship with? Should trust be given until proven undeserved, or must it be earned? Let me get more specific, should you not walk down the aisle with someone you don’t trust 100%? Some may beg the question “why get married if the trust is not there?”
If a person refuses to trust their spouse, is it due to that person being untrustworthy? Does the answer to fully trusting lie within one’s own ability to be trustworthy? Maybe it is insecurities within that person that makes her doubt her ability to fully satisfy her spouse. Or maybe he doesn’t trust simply due to his past ill experiences, being deceived and witnessing deception from close range? Some may feel that to fully trust is to be fully taken for a fool, thus are reluctant to take that chance?
If trust is a prerequisite, we must get rid of the baggage of our past, rather personal, parental or vicariously witnessed, we can’t move forward with peace and optimism without resolving the past. Yet if trust is not a requirement to being in a healthy relationship, how do we deal with the thought of mistrust?
I don’t trust anybody fully. I don’t care who you are, or what type of angel you say you are. Anybody is capable of anything. And if you are not capable, I’ll never be 100% sure, so I’ll never be 100% trusting. Like with my last relationship, I see a text my girl got “Happy Valentines day”. Okay, maybe he is some innocent “friend”. So I don’t confront my woman because being untrusting doesn’t mean being jealous or accusing her. So I chill. About a month later I’m looking over my girls shoulder at her facebook page. The same guy instant messages her. Did she open it, not while I was looking. So I walked away. Didn’t blow a gasket, just kept it movin. A week later I get curious and get the dudes number out of her phone, I checked her cell phone bill because she’s on my family share plan. Was it wrong of me to texted her “I see you call this 6599 a lot, should I put it on your favs?” Was I wrong for asking? I didn’t even mention to her the frequent number of the ex-boyfriend, “Mr. Eat me for hours” I’m cool though, people are going to do what they are going to do. You can’t stop a hoe from ho’en. Just smash it until she makes you sick to your stomach. Because really, why leave one person that “might” be cheatin to be single, where everybody’s got 2 or 3 that slide through periodically?
I think if man and woman allow for the natural progression of human relationships to occur then the issue of trust vs. mistrust will be null. Often time men are “guilted” into marriage secondary to ill behavior displayed during the courtship. Is this right? Probably not, does it happen? All the time! As women we have been taught to look for the sense of security in a “good man”, get married, have children and walk on the beach and hold hands into the sunset. That sounds great! However, the majority of men are taught to “get it in”, do naturally there will be a problem with the “natural progression of human relationships”. I do not think a person should be required to be “tied down” or in a relationship. What is wrong with just enjoying each other’s company and if the natural progression of man and woman in a mutual relationship progress to monogamy then great for both parties. So the requirement of a healthy relationship to me would rely on the natural progression, if one party resist for any reason I do not think it will work. Personally, If i am pressured I will back alllllll the way up and choose not to deal with that person in any way. Is that wrong? I don’t think so…. is that right? Many of my friends say I’m crazy. So to each his own but pressure/ guilt is never good for a healthy relationship. Ladies if we pressure/guilt our men into monogamy or marriage what does that say for our own self confidence? To me, a pressured man equates an unhappy man, in turn decides an untrustworthy man. But, that’s just me!!!
People cheat/lie or intentionally give the perception of cheating for different reasons. From my experience, lack of trust in a relationship has been unfruitful, destructive and stressful. Luckily God gives everybody the ability to be honest; it’s up to us to develop the habit.
I agree – a healthy relationship evolves around trust (without the baggage). And it’s possible to trust someone who was once untrustworthy, as long as you both are trusting. You may not even be able to trust yourself or your mate 100%. However, as I’ve learned in church & from what I’ve read on this site, you can trust God One Hundred.
Last month I found out the “love of my life” was married. His wife called me and we had a 30 minute conversation. He left for New York over a year ago and we never said it was over, but we could date other people. We’d share our dating experiences with each other over the phone. I’d been saving myself for him because he was the only man that I truly and completely trusted. Past tense
I’ve been married for 10 years and between what I’ve been thru and seen my friends and family go thru, I’d be happy just if my husband would just act like he loved me. Just act like I matter. Just be there for me when I need him. Maybe his infidelity would be barable. But I got to be with a man that lies and treats me like shit.
People cheat/lie or intentionally give the perception of cheating for different reasons. From my experience, lack of trust in a relationship has been unfruitful, destructive and stressful. Luckily God gives everybody the ability to be honest; it’s up to us to develop the habit.
I agree – a healthy relationship evolves around trust (without the baggage). And it’s possible to trust someone who was once untrustworthy, as long as you both are trusting. You may not even be able to trust yourself or your mate 100%. However, as I’ve learned in church & from what I’ve read on this site, you can trust God One Hundred.