How many have you been with?
Does one have an obligation to share with their new sex partner, their past sexual history? So you’ve been dating a special someone for almost 2 months. On this particular date your anticipation has been rising as your conversations have been more revealing. You two are finally alone at your apartment. As you sip a bit of lemon tea, and wink at her from over the rim of you cup, she sensually uncrosses and recrosses her legs. Your heart jumps and you almost spill the hot tea down your brand new silk shirt. You stutter as words don’t come out. She interrupts your distraction with a bold and direct question that alters the mood quite abruptly, “So how many sex partners have you had?”
OOOh, ummm, you think to yourself quickly, “does she want the truth, can she handle the truth, will I still get some?” Questions to yourself don’t help, just delay your response which makes you appear shifty and uncomfortable…not good. You want to divert with a joke so you shout in a deep theatrical voice “you can’t handle the truth!” You smile, she giggles and follows with a sarcastic “than many hu?” The air is let out of the room and you proceed to suffocate. You feel your throat getting warm, “well,“ you respond, “I am afraid to answer that question because I promised myself on the first date that I’d never lie to you, secondly, I don’t feel that question is irrelevant because if I had unsafe sex with only one person, that would be worse than being with 100 and safe every time.” You relax because you are proud of your answer. She replies, “That’s a bunch of bullshit, give me a number and we’ll go from there.”
The particulars to his answers are irrelevant to this story, what is relevant is the dialogue and the additional questions of how often unprotected and the biggy that will be very insulting but maybe very necessary, “ever with the same sex?” During this conversation we all must determine our level of honesty as well our level of trust in the information provided. Get tested together, this is where trust and monogomy really is important.
HIV is still growing within our population, we are not in the clear and we are never, outside of abstinence, 100% safe. I recently read the book “The Naked Truth” by Marvelyn Brown, who was infected with HIV at the age of 19. Just a reminder…Don’t let love or passion give you a false sense of imperviousness. You are too old for that, and too young to die.
So do you tell the truth, or avoid the conversation altogether?
I’ve never told the truth. I just say “about 100″ and they are so shocked that the answer normally ends the conversation. That answer never changed a relationship though. The real number just may change things. So I’m not honest, but it still gives them a taste of reality, unlike if I said 4, 7 or 9.
does it really matter? what happened in the past, happened in the past… however, i’d talk about it if i had some kind of a disease!!!!
WHO REALLY KNOWS? I SAY IF THEY CAN TRACK IT, CHECK THE PACKAGE! WHAT HETEROSEXUAL MAN KNOWS THE EXACT # OF FEMALES HE TOOK DOWN? SURE AT 16 Y/O YOU KNOW BECAUSE YOUR NUMBER IS STILL RELATIVELY SMALL AND BRAGGING RIGHTS IS EVERYTHING. BUT IF YOU ARE STILL KEEPING COUNT AND ARE ABLE TO RECALL A CERTIFIED NUMBER IN YOUR MID 30′S THEN YOU HAVEN’T GOT ENOUGH BOOTY TO KNOW WHAT YOU DOING ANYWAY. AND IN THAT CASE I’M COOL BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE I WANT TO WASTE A NUMBER ON TWO PUMPS AND A GET UP! BESIDES, STATING A NUMBER CAN NEVER BE A GOOD THING. PERSONALLY I’D RATHER BUMP A MAN THAT HAS TOOK DOWN TONS OF CHICKS SAFELY THAN A MAN THAT BUMPS ONE CHICK CONSISTENTLY GRIZZLY BEAR!