Signs of Dysfunction
Mr. Harris I’m sure you’ve heard my story told over and over by African American Women. The naive girl believes that one day the bad boy, alcoholic, womanizer, abuser (mentally & physically) will change if she continues to be patient, pray and make changes to her appearance and or character. Thus the honeymoon period begins, the gifts and the apologizes, the promises, the brain washing if only you would have… you make me do this to you… I do it because I love you and can’t stand another man to look at you. And the ever famous, I don’t want another man to raise my children. I have allowed two really good men to slip through my grasp due to not ending the last relationship in my mind and heart. Here I am twenty plus years and three children later throwing out the rubbish, unloading my bags, and cleaning up my house for when that guest shows up.
Mr. Harris indeed the issues you bring up need to be addressed in our community. I, like most African Americans, come from a dysfunctional home which I believe to be the catalyst of my twenty plus year roller coaster ride. I grew up in a 
household with my grandparents, a drug addicted mom with schizophrenia, as well as two uncles who were also drug users. In my home I had to not only hide my most valued possessions. I had to watch my ass as well. Excuses were always made for their bad behavior, boundaries were never set nor were they every held accountable. So that brings me to the relationship. He did not really mean it he was drunk, yes he cheated and had another child but I love him. If I would have kept my mouth shut he would have not stayed out all night, I won’t pressure him to help out with the kids or bills, he’s going through a lot.
Mr. Harris I ask what road would you have chosen? Continue to live in a dysfunctional home or move into a place with the man who says he loves you and who has fathered your child. So there I was, 19 years old trading one pain for another. If you were raised under these conditions would you think that you would be considered a kind gentle man now?
Most African Americans attend church, if you are not taught morals or values at home then the church is the next best place. I am so thankful that I was able to be re-parented, gain self-esteem, and to learn to love myself through the word of God. Since slavery the African American home has been one that has been divided by secrets, financial struggles, alcoholism, selfishness, and stepping out weather physically or mentally.
Signed: Signs of Dysfunction
Since slavery the African American home has been one that has been divided by secrets, financial struggles, alcoholism, selfishness, and stepping out weather physically or mentally… HUGE STATEMENT THERE! I understand this is not a dissertation of any sort however, black families are not the only ones faced with these behaviors. I do think different races pride on different short comings. A black woman may not accept such behavior due to learned pride. Verses a white or Hispanic woman who is more likely to wwjd and turn the other cheek for the same reason… learned pride. So although reactions to the behaviors differ by race I think tarnished family dynamics are across the board despite the demographics or socioeconomic backgrounds.
I think the bigger question, is if we as a people would be further along or better off with less drug addict parents, less abusive relatives and more caring neighbors.
The biggest question is what should we do about this issue of acceptance of dysfunction? We have grow accustom, unaffected and unwilling to act against it.
Well, certainly the entire world would be a better place if such did not exist. But since we know that we as people are imperfect all we can do is strive to become better individuals ourselves and hope it trickles down to the little people we breed and raise. I also think the issue of accepting dysfunction is on an individual basis. Some products of a drug addicted, abusive home are determined to go against the odds and be better than the generation they supersede. Sadly, I don’t think there is a concrete answer and although we’d like to believe that changing one single person will evolve into an entire movement, will it? Can the movement survive? With that said, those are just my thoughts. I personally have been blessed with two semi decent families and have not personally gone through such adversities. However, in the end… I think people will be people and rebellion (morals/social convention) we can not change.
Morals and social conventions are in constant change mode. Our morals have been on a downward slide for a while. Maybe that is the only direction that they can move. If so, fuck it, let the good times role.
Or we can try. If someone did a home invasion in my house and was threatening to kill my family, I will use every ounce of energy and every breath in my body to fight for them. How about you? If you think immediate death is any different then the slow destruction of future generations by way of drama, abuse and unhappiness, that is a perspective.