Comments on: What is a father-less woman to do? http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/ Get smart or Die trying Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:44:37 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Fatherless woman http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1980 Fatherless woman Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:25:10 +0000 http://www.jermaineharris.com/?p=4745#comment-1980 Rachel... I've been truly contemplating reconnecting but I've decided to hold off until AFTER the holidays as I don't want to have to interfere with the joys of the holidays just in case my quest is not fulfilled.... Thank you for the insight as I have taken it into great considertion Rachel…
I’ve been truly contemplating reconnecting but I’ve decided to hold off until AFTER the holidays as I don’t want to have to interfere with the joys of the holidays just in case my quest is not fulfilled….
Thank you for the insight as I have taken it into great considertion

]]> By: Rachel http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1954 Rachel Wed, 09 Dec 2009 23:33:18 +0000 http://www.jermaineharris.com/?p=4745#comment-1954 You need closure, I too was in the same situation. I came to Califorina to meet and get to know my father. It did not end well. I saw him for two days and then two more times after that five and 10 years later. It may never be the relationship you want but at least you can extend your hand towards him. He may want to know you and and your family but is afraid to reconnect. It may end just how you want it to . But you will never know until you try. No matter what happens your husband will be the rock you need him to be, so go for it. You need closure, I too was in the same situation. I came to Califorina to meet and get to know my father. It did not end well. I saw him for two days and then two more times after that five and 10 years later. It may never be the relationship you want but at least you can extend your hand towards him. He may want to know you and and your family but is afraid to reconnect. It may end just how you want it to . But you will never know until you try. No matter what happens your husband will be the rock you need him to be, so go for it.

]]> By: Patrick http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1953 Patrick Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:43:02 +0000 http://www.jermaineharris.com/?p=4745#comment-1953 Hi RK, While I don't really know the answer to your question I thought it was important that a woman I dated had a good relationship with her parents/siblings. But I don't think I'd have put too much stock in it. Hi RK, While I don’t really know the answer to your question I thought it was important that a woman I dated had a good relationship with her parents/siblings. But I don’t think I’d have put too much stock in it.

]]> By: RK http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1952 RK Wed, 09 Dec 2009 07:14:29 +0000 http://www.jermaineharris.com/?p=4745#comment-1952 Question: Should a man strongly consider a womans relationship or lack of relationship with her father before taking her serious? Question: Should a man strongly consider a womans relationship or lack of relationship with her father before taking her serious?

]]> By: Patrick http://www.jermaineharris.com/2009/12/a-father-less-woman/comment-page-1/#comment-1946 Patrick Tue, 08 Dec 2009 08:15:22 +0000 http://www.jermaineharris.com/?p=4745#comment-1946 What an interesting issue. My father died when I was a boy and I was the 2nd of 4. I was old enough to miss him dearly to this day but young enough to not absorb enough from him....as if that were possible. 3 years later my little sister was born of another man. (No man stuck around 'til I left the house :)) The 6 of us were as healthy a family as could be expected but now my little sister is 26 and recently became more interested in finding out about this man. We, the family, threw my mom to the wolves and told her she had to tell my little sister the other side which allowed me to remain an "uninterested party" if you will. She is currently not seeking him anymore. My purpose is to suggest that perhaps he didn't raise you for a reason. Even if he wanted to or felt guilty about it he chose not to every day of your life. I think you probably deserve more and would have been better off if you had the convenience I have of saying my father wasn't there because he was dead and he would have been a great father. This isn't to suggest that I'd not contact him to hear his side of the story but to say it is now your life. It is more to say that today is your turn. You can be the parent and spouse you wanted your parents to be. That is what I try to do today. I try to take lots of pics and have a great relationship with my daughter/soon-to-be-daughters so that if I die or their mother leaves me some day (no signs yet :) )they will know I love them, care about them and want to be as much or more a part of their lives as they can stand. His side is nice to hear but may be tailored for your ears or his current situation. Any other siblings will not view you as more than a distant relative 'til they are in their late 50's so you're not missing those (my opinion). Relax about being rejected by a person who abandoned a daughter, it's a gift, albeit a small one. Health questions I'd consider material information you could use as an excuse to feel him out. Regarding your image of both your parents I'd also relax about this one. Your mother obviously liked him and thought there was something there. She was wrong as many humans are hourly in relationships. She has no doubt spent countless hours considering her decision, the implications, the results and how she can ensure you are as healthy and adult as possible. To summarize, I’m not in your shoes but the advice I give to my little sister is that she shouldn’t waste her time on a venture which is likely to only challenge her self-esteem. You are a grown woman now with a family of your own and it is now up to you to change the example which was set for you within your own power. But keep in mind that not all things are in your control. Hope you receive this well. As I proof read it the whole thing sounds harsh, it is not meant to be as it flows from the heart with a desire for you to be happy. Good luck. What an interesting issue. My father died when I was a boy and I was the 2nd of 4. I was old enough to miss him dearly to this day but young enough to not absorb enough from him….as if that were possible. 3 years later my little sister was born of another man. (No man stuck around ’til I left the house :) ) The 6 of us were as healthy a family as could be expected but now my little sister is 26 and recently became more interested in finding out about this man. We, the family, threw my mom to the wolves and told her she had to tell my little sister the other side which allowed me to remain an “uninterested party” if you will. She is currently not seeking him anymore.

My purpose is to suggest that perhaps he didn’t raise you for a reason. Even if he wanted to or felt guilty about it he chose not to every day of your life. I think you probably deserve more and would have been better off if you had the convenience I have of saying my father wasn’t there because he was dead and he would have been a great father.

This isn’t to suggest that I’d not contact him to hear his side of the story but to say it is now your life. It is more to say that today is your turn. You can be the parent and spouse you wanted your parents to be. That is what I try to do today. I try to take lots of pics and have a great relationship with my daughter/soon-to-be-daughters so that if I die or their mother leaves me some day (no signs yet :) )they will know I love them, care about them and want to be as much or more a part of their lives as they can stand.

His side is nice to hear but may be tailored for your ears or his current situation. Any other siblings will not view you as more than a distant relative ’til they are in their late 50′s so you’re not missing those (my opinion). Relax about being rejected by a person who abandoned a daughter, it’s a gift, albeit a small one. Health questions I’d consider material information you could use as an excuse to feel him out.

Regarding your image of both your parents I’d also relax about this one. Your mother obviously liked him and thought there was something there. She was wrong as many humans are hourly in relationships. She has no doubt spent countless hours considering her decision, the implications, the results and how she can ensure you are as healthy and adult as possible.
To summarize, I’m not in your shoes but the advice I give to my little sister is that she shouldn’t waste her time on a venture which is likely to only challenge her self-esteem. You are a grown woman now with a family of your own and it is now up to you to change the example which was set for you within your own power. But keep in mind that not all things are in your control.

Hope you receive this well. As I proof read it the whole thing sounds harsh, it is not meant to be as it flows from the heart with a desire for you to be happy. Good luck.

]]>