A son’s emotional issues
I was 22 and she was 20. We knew each other for a while throughout school. But now that we both were adults, she approached me with a mature intent. So I was like, cool, we can go out. The first time we had sex I only had one condom. When that broke, we didn’t stop. During the next 9 months, we did everything we could to get on each others nerves. I’m not really sure why, but we were not working out. She knew that I didn’t want to be with her for the rest of my life and she resented my efforts.
Four months after the birth of my son she told me she was getting married to some off-and-on boyfriend. He was about to go into the Army and she thought he’d be a better provider then some college student that lived with his mother. I remember an argument we had in front of her boyfriend’s house about how she thought I needed to drop out of school to support her and the baby, and if I did she would not marry this guy. I had grand plans and was not about to get stuck in a minimum wage life.
By my son’s second birthday he was living in a different State on some military base. She actually had the nerve to ask me to give up my rights to my son so that her husband could adopt him and get more money from the military. Yeah right, I don’t think so. I remember telling my young son that even though he may not understand what was going on, that I am his only father and long after what ever happens, I will be the man standing in his corner.
Fast forward 4 years later. His mother was back in town, divorced, a second child and a few domestic abuse disturbances under her belt. I was still working on developing a strong relationship with my son. I was an every other weekend father and that bothered me. His mother and I never got along, dealing with her was like pulling my own teeth out. I once met a lovely lady and we spoke for about an hour while we waited at the bus station. I called her and over the phone she had the exact same voice as my son’s mother. I got sick to my stomach and never called her back because of her voice.
So now my son is 14 years old and I’ve never married, his mother is still dating around and struggling financially. She is very dependent on my child support. One day my son and I were talking and his ex-step-father comes up in our conversation about how bad of a father he is to my son’s little sister. He eventually broke down crying because he has mixed feelings about all the different stuff that has happened and what his mother and I have said about each other over the years. I have my opinion of what and why and I didn’t want to defend myself and make his mother appear to be the bad person. So I had to fight tears and tell him regardless of all that, I have always loved him. That I want and I need him in my life and life could not be 
any other way. I told him that he has to believe what he sees, not what he hears his mom or I say because we have a bit of anger towards each other.
It kills me to know that my son has a lot of unresolved emotional issues about his childhood because his mother and I were rarely on the same page. But I guess we all have issues, but that doesn’t make it okay.
Signed: The real dad
We can turn our sons against themselves by allowing them to be exposed to the hate we feel for their other parent. Even if we fight an adult, we must find a way to express appreciation for the creation of a wonderful child. This is the feeling we must exude while in the presence of our child. He/She need not be encumbered by our ill feelings. They will not be able to separate that negativity from themselves. They are both their mother and father.
This is a large source of discontent within a child that they may have to live with for the rest of their lives. Who are you to create baggage; it is your job to remove emotional obstacles. This is what a parent does. If you can’t live together for the sake of the child, find a way to respect each other for the sake of the child. Easier said than done, but most things of critical necessity are.
It boils down to the character of the parents, and a big reason why people break up is because the difference in character, hence the difficulty in respecting each other.