Comments on: I don’t want to be a Panther, so what’s a sistah to do?

By: J Harris

J Harris — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:30:52 +0000

I believe we as a society and more so as a people are getting weaker in character. We are stuck on a ferris wheel of perpetuation. As you said EH, your grandparents were together till death, your parents were together to raise the kids, and you are single in your late thirties. This is a common trend, each generation diminishes the rate of “relationship success”(if you will). There may be many causes of this fact, and what makes the solution complicated, is that there has to be multiple solutions enacted simultaneously for anything to work.

Each person has to be open to communication and understanding.
Each person has to be open to change and growth.
Each person has to be committed to riding the bad times out.

But the more we screw our children up, the less effective they will be in adult relations. It takes two to tango, but only one to break a promise.

Or given the increases rate of successful career women, we may need to continue to adjust relationships to being totally optional. That may mean that as women gain professionally, they may want to release the tight hold on the relationship “fairy tale” with high expectations of another person being responsible for “your happiness” (the American dream as PC put it).

By: EH

EH — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:19:20 +0000

As a mixed african-american woman in my late thirties. I do believe in the cliche that good things come to those who wait. I believe in the power of prayer. I also believe in fate. Being picky should not be viewed as a set back and should be viewed as a set of standards. Love has no age. For some, real love may come early in life, for others later. The point is that if you do have a chance to experience real love consider it a blessing at any age. Granted, one may exprience a plethora of relationships in an attempt to find real genuine love, but who wants to settle to be unhappy if one’s standards have been comprimised. Its about happiness…if the love you have doesn’t bring forth true happiness then I’d contemplate the validity of it being real. Love has no age. Naturally my grandparents and parents fell in love at very young ages. My grandparents marriage lasted over 59 years till death did they part but it didn’t come easy. My parents lasted 17 years till divorce did they part, staying together for the kids sake. All I’m saying is that real love is a lot of work at any age. If one is happy in-love do what it takes to keep that love at any age. If one is a panther then don’t sacrifice the standards, real lov e maybe closer than you think. Oh, as far as dating outside the race is concerned: my preference is a brotha but I have dated outside my race and find cultural differences can be a bit of a challenge but if you love someone, you’d be willing to indulge in the culture and see where it takes you. Love really has no age and I believe that God will deliver that real love when the time is right.

By: PC

PC — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:04:37 +0000

Panther not, now its obvious I don’t know you but assuming you are semi decent human being, I would say just relax. Date lots of men, don’t turn down many dates…you never know who may be that one for you. 40 y/o… You are still young and have at least 10 more years! Don’t rush it. They say when you look for love you find losers! And all the failed relationships may be preparing you for where you are meant to be for life!

Has anyone ever thought it wasn’t in Gods plan for them to be married? I think a lot of people force marriage because that’s part of the “american dream” but are they meant to coexist with the same person for eternity? I’m not quite sure yet but I don’t think I’m meant for marriage! I guess I’ll see one day!

By: J Harris

J Harris — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:03:33 +0000

Panther Not, by being picky don’t you perpetuate the problem? Especially when black women generally won’t date outside of their race, and Black men will in a heartbeat.

Let’s say a vast majority of the Panthers are picky, making it hard on good and bad brothers to enter into, and grow within a relationship. There is no learning going on. Everyone will be put back on the open market within a year of attempting a relationship.

Now, let’s say the vast majority of the Panthers were not picky, and they did settle. In that situation, the men (and women) have an opportunity to learn and grow into what true commitment is. Helping this situation is the fact that there are less [desperate] Panthers flirting and preying on the men who are supposed to take it home to momma.

What we have to understand is that what you expect and what you get are always going to be different. But the solution is being willing to go through the fire, change with understanding, and grow old together to set an example. I’m not downplaying the difficulty of dealing with ill equipt men (that you Panthers are raising by the way), but being alone and fighting a new man annually doesn’t sound too fun either.

I’m just sayin…?