FUNNY BUT YOU KNOW I FEEL THE SAME WAY IN MANY RESPECTS BUT DO WE EVER REALLY KNOW? WE MAY THINK WE KNOW BUT HAVE NO IDEA. I TOO WOULD RATHER LIVE LIFE FREE AND HAVING LOTS OF FUN AND NOT CONCERN MYSELF WITH REALITY . BUT WHAT IF THOSE MEN GET CAUGHT, WOULD YOU BE SCARED FOR YOUR LIFE? SPOUSES CAN SOMETIMES GET VIOLENT. I’VE BEEN THE SECRETARY AND BOY IS IT FUN, UNTIL HE FIRES YOU FOR NOT LYING TO HIS WIFE APPROPRIATELY. I’VE ALSO LEARNED NO WOMAN CAN KEEP A MAN HOME. THE NAGGING MIGHT MAKE HIM PLAN HIS ATTACK MORE CAREFUL BUT IT WON’T KEEP HIM FROM INTEREST IN HIS SECRETARY . I THINK MEN THAT CHEAT ARE MISSING SOMETHING AT HOME AND FIND IT IN SOMEONE ELSE OFTEN. DOES CHEATING DEAL WITH UPBRINGING TOO? OR THE HEARTLESS WOMAN WHO HATES MEN, DID HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER MISS SOMETHING ?

It seems to me that a generation or two of women have decided that in order to combat sexual oppression one must become wildly promiscuous. Sadly, a lot of so-called intelligent women share this perspective and continue to flash their newly liberated breasts to any man willing to pay attention, and willingly open their legs to feel the power that is said to be had by controlling the number of men you allow to enter. However, I can assure you that no matter how many fallacious arguments are used promiscuity will still equal promiscuity at the end of the day.

It also seems things haven’t gone according to plan. Our journey filled with obstacles to free ourselves from our parents’ patriarchal sexual etiquette ended, but it hasn’t led to equal-opportunity sexual nirvana– no. It has led to Jerry Springer, to our debasement. Why? Because these so-called intelligent women have set in motion the lie behind it all– that women want the same thing from sex as men, that to be men’s equals we must approach sex as cavalierly as men do. All they have achieved is to strip a girl’s traditional form of protection. Rules? How confining! Modesty? Puh-leeze. Women buy their tiny tops and skirts and desensitize themselves with modern cinema that glamourizes promiscuity. And a pornographic culture (Gallagher, Maggie) is created. By viewing sex merely as a bodily appetite we are trivializing sex, which in turn trivializes our own humanity.

Regardless of this woman’s background and history with men, the logic only shows flaws and discontent with males as reliable partners (which is only heightened by the detail of an absent father). And quite frankly, I don’t buy the sociological spin either. If she is truly a realist and had any meaningful understanding of human sexual behavior, she would not have passed the buck to social customs so easily or so superficially. Sociology 101: People define society, therefore society is the way it is because we recognize it as such. Meaning, society is a direct reflection of the people that construct it. And for that matter, being shockingly cavalier about sex to assert your control is only a form of rebellion against these preexisting social customs; in reality she is emulating the only form of dominance and power she knows, which is to act like a man– whose traits have been laregly socially constructed and does not truly define dominance in any meaningful way (unless you are the average American female– neat, huh?).

So while Hollywood may embellish the “Happily Ever After” scenario every chance it gets, it does not necessarily mean that humans are incapable of monogamy or meaningful relationships that span years. Just because she is incapable of finding an articulate man that doesn’t lie or cheat doesn’t mean they aren’t out there. And if you choose to live a life of debauchery, don’t hide behind sexual liberation; it’s an insult.

I completely see your point on most of the aspects of this post. However, my only point of contention, or “Devil’s Advocate” question would be in living life in this way, will there ever be an opportunity for true and honest intimacy with a man? Granted, that may not be what you are after, but if eventually you do want that, would you be able to overcome the jaded views and truly open yourself up to the right man if he happens along? That said, I have to completely concur with the idea of being a woman that knows the real deal. I can deal with all things, as long as I know what they are. I would never want to be that dumb chick that loves blindly and then wants to act shocked when her fairy tale blows up in her face. I’ll take truth over comfort any day of the week. So if that truth entails my man “boinking” (lol) his secretary, then so be it!

Dr. Celina G is it? You sure are assuming a lot in your comment. Where do you get your extra information? I think you are a prime example of the “insane social customs” this woman is talking about. Why do you assume she is promiscuous? Did she give numbers or just that she doesn’t mind “boinking” (I like that by the way) a “taken” man. I agree in some parts that woman are held to a much higher standard and it isn’t fair but we don’t know why she feels the way she does about men. None of us are psychologist nor have we sat down and had numerous one on one conversations with her so I don’t think it is fare or even accurate for us to pass judgment on her. Ms Celina, you may have “boinked” way more men than her. Personally, I like a woman that knows what she wants, its much easier to deal with then self righteous, pre Madonna, my shit don’t stink woman like yourself Ms. Celina G. My hat is off to you Ms. I’d rather know, takes courage to go against the people like Ms. Celina in this world.

Im back just in time for a good story line, Days of our lives!

Av:

I don’t even know where to begin. I’m going to assume that you wrote this particular reply at a time of emotional distress because it is the only logical explanation for such disregard for reading comprehension. I’m going to make it simple for you.

1) I assumed nothing. Everything I have addressed in my comment comes directly from information she provided and applied social theory. Contact me, I’ll give you a reading list.

2) Promiscuity is often misinterpreted to refer to the number of partners one has been sexually involved with, while one who is sexually promiscuous might refer to one engaging in a sex act with someone – even a boyfriend/husband – then engaging in another sex act within a short period of time. Rather, casual or unrestrained sexual behavior. I guess I’m misinterpreting the metaphor of handbags and needing a variety? I don’t think so. Again, reading comprehension is key.

3) I do not pass judgment on her decisions. I simply argued with her logic– or lack thereof. I don’t care how many people she’s had sex, her logic is flawed. And what ignited my interest enough to reply was the blatant and superficial use of sociological concepts to excuse her behavior.

Now, Av, your attempts at insults and such are just plain immature; and combined with your poor grammar and reading comprehension I can only assume that you’re not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. Take what I’ve said as a stepping stone to educate yourself. Incidentally, I am more than willing to provide a comprehensive reading list regarding sociological theory and feminism.

AV where are your reading glasses along with a book on logic?
Philosophy class is in session because Dr. Celine G is schooling you!!! lmfao

Please, please, please proof-read what the writer wrote. The writer clearly put herself out there for judgment and what I can read from Celina G. is that she is going off of her theory, as we all have and do. Granted we’re NOT God, however being born into sin will bring us to judge, opinionate and assume.

The writer’s first sentence clearly proves she is as open as a reading book when she states “I love Richard. Matter of fact I think Richard makes the world go round. But I don’t give a damn about a man. They lie, they cheat, and they are idiots when it comes to communication. So why do we need them… oh yeah, for the Richard!”

So no extra information is necessary as she so blatantly leaves many to judge of her sexual escapades. Then to top it off she claims “So you need a variety to make you feel good.” Plain and simple youz`a HO girlfriend! She stated she has never been called a ho but from the looks of it no one has to since she called herself one. Sweetie, there is only so many notches a Prada bag can take…

Oh` and just because she “boinks” doesn’t make it that she knows what she wants. Seriously all BS aside I admire her honestly, however, there can truly and painfully be deep emotional issues (upbringing, father and mainly a mothers acts toward men) as to why women so freely lay down and feel the desire to put themselves in a man’s walking shoes in attemp to reach the ceiling effect.

Okay it’s time for me to take a good listen to “Fairly Tales” by Anita Baker

I have to admit that reality is of the eye. The feeling is of the heart. The pain is of the soul. No one person can tell another what to see or feel. Yet as a people, society and humanity, we are responsible for us. Just as many in society have failed to love and protect you when you were not responsible enough to decipher and guard, you are responsible to love and protect the integrity of those that you have power and influence over.

If you are granted the power of sexuality to wield control over a person, you must take responsibility for the use of that power. The Universe is set up to give you the choice to use your power for good or evil, for the greater good of humanity or the wicked self-destruction with collateral damage.

As we age, our needs and desires change. The limits to our ability to satisfy these needs are in directly relationship with our history of power wielding. If you subscribe to the karma reap you may want to give more thought to healing the wounds that have caused you to view life in such short increments. If we all do this, we will strengthen the weakest of our links, creating a strong bond of humanity.

Or not

When I read this article for the first time, I had many different emotions that transpired and I couldn’t wait to respond but after reading Celina G….there’s no need..It’s like she took the very words out of my mouth.
All that I would like to add is that EVERY woman, if not most, have been here before because of some hurt that was felt from a past lover or even the absence of a father. But it is up to US women to remain true to our role and not let these pains deter us from what truly matters and thats being TRUE to ourselves and our daughters to ensure that the next generation will not be consumed with the same BS that we have had to endure.
When will this destructive cycle stop????

I’m not trying to solicit Polygamy, but if we’re going to talk about sociology, we can’t ignore the fact that extra marital relationships are, and have been a pretty nominate trend in our society.
Telling someone to only have sexual intercourse with one person at a time because it’s our “Social Norm”, or because of the negative consequences that come with having more than one partner, obviously hasn’t been enough. We have about two options; we can revisit the idea of Polygamy (which is the social norm in some societies) or we can figure out the “why”, and then come up with concrete solutions to our Monogamy problem.

Mrs. BOT are you married? Could you (do you) handle a non-monogamist relationship? How would you propose we even begin the discussion on Polygamy? There are two layers with two parts in each.
The first layer is your activity. The two parts of this layer is the physical connection, and the emotional connection you may develop for someone outside of your main partner. The second layer is your partners physical and emotional connection to another person. Are you willing to go through one for the other?

Polygamy, really Mrs. BOT, this is what you’re getting out of this topic?
Well than this is leading into a whole other subject matter, WOW!

Like I explained to someone that told me he asked his wife for a three-some (extra marital relationships). It is not possible; it’s just not going to fall in his favor… OMG there are so many elements that will stir up with such a request; positive but mainly negative. If he’s lucky she may be all for sharing her man because at some point if his Richard is great, a woman can get cocky herself and won’t mind boasting to another woman “IN BED”, or she might even want to feed her bi-curiosity. Yet, during the process when she sees her man losing himself inside of the other woman, she may be witnessing the loss of her man or vice versa if it is two men and a woman, he sssooo lost her. He lost whatever respect and love she had for him- yes it gets that deep for women, fellas!

My point is, women are walking emotions (a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Even though she may agree to do it reluctantly to satisfy her mans appetite or they made a pact on their extra marital relationships, after awhile a woman hungers for safety, security, passion and romance from one partner only- not “plural.”

A woman is natural analysis. She will question every moment of the experience from her mans reactions.
Before: Why is he asking for us to be with another woman/man?
During: Why is he more into her than me in the bedroom (and maybe even out of the bedroom)?
After: Why haven’t I been enough for him?

Unfortunately insecurities that were never apparent will be and although a woman may never get straight answers from her man, know this… “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.” He’s NOT satisfied with you- “in bed” and if he feels the need to continue to ask for more encounters/relationships it’s just his way of asking for you to “excuse” his torrid affairs insight rather than in hindsight!!!

When I read this entry and wrote my comment above, it was shortly after finding out about Tiger Woods and his “Transgressions.” I am so tired of hearing about people and their infidelity. I despise the feeling of betrayal; I’d much rather be in the know.
RK – If I were in a non-monogamist (Polymory) relationship, emotions wouldn’t be a concern. A booty call or an extra marital affair is almost 100% of the time just physical. The only worry that I would have would be regarding giving into every desire. The more you get, the more you want. Leading to less control, and eventually self-destruction.

I wish it were that easy. We as humans may think we understand how this world works, but if you were to categorize knowledge, you’ll find that 95% of what we don’t know is spiritual. I believe that our spirituality is accessed through our emotions. Our emotions are accessed through our actions. There is a significant deal of uncontrollability as you move up the chain from physical, emotional to spiritual.

I have to admit, many of the women I’ve had physical relationships with, no matter how casual, hold a piece of my emotions. I realize that the more relationships I’ve had, the more risk I’ve taken of damaging my spirit; and more importantly, her spirit. It may have been fun then, but it is a waist of energy retrospectively. Maybe this is just me, but I see it in others too, in the form of jealousy or discomfort when they may unexpectedly run into an ex on the street. I don’t think it was worth it. The lack of this cost is the dividend of the righteous walk. I just wish someone taught it to me a long time ago. If I better understood the total cost, I would have been more careful with the down payment.

I would say mind over matter, however you have a solid point. Thanks for the advice!

Food for thought. When I was younger I was anything but loyal. At some point I began to see all these old people (I worked in a bank) talking about their grown kids and their 50 year marriages and my perception changed. I began to think about who will visit me in the nursing home or whose children will I visit when I’m in my 70′s. I began to see through the surface bickering of old couples and see the real friendship and closeness they metled over the years. I wanted what they had and I could tell it would take a lifetime to build and I found myself willing.