This is a hot topic, one in which I’ve had w/ my girlfriends, all of which have slept with married men myself included. What it sounds like is that married women want other women to be responsible for the actions of the man they made a commitment to. When it comes down to it, that woman didn’t make a commitment before GOD & your family & friends to love, honor & obey you. I agree if there weren’t women to sleep with married men then maybe there would be fewer divorces. In reality some men & women will seek sex outside their marriage just because they can. However, I have met a lot of can’t do, don’t do married women, that’s not to say there’s not some women doing everything & I mean everything still being cheated on. However, there are far too many women that have decided they won’t/don’t have to keep themselves up, cook, & put it down sexually & they will some how keep their husband satisfied. That mindset is bonkers & what you did to get, is what you will need to do to keep if not more. Everyone has to be responsible for their own actions & accept all consequences of those actions good, bad or indifferent.

Ok. I would just like to say yes, it is wrong to sleep with anyone who is married. Not denying that. However, some (not all) married women feel that they don’t have to do anything to continue to keep the man interests. If women would understand that men are visual and women are emotional, then that will kill 75% of the marital drama. Beyonce and all these “INDEPENDENT” women have gotten the world FUCKED up. Yes it is ok to be independent but not to the extent that you emasculate and down play a man’s role and how he is suppose to provide for YOU. I have heard it all… husbands asking their wives to spend time with them and the wife saying no because their career requires so much, husbands asking the wife to wear heels every once and awhile and the wife saying “he’ll be alright I’m not wearing any heels”. COME ON LADIES!!! These are simply requests that you are ignoring. Then you wanna get mad and hold out on the “coookie”. HA!!! Trust he is getting it in somewhere else. Not that he is a bad person, but you put someone is a situation where it is uncomfortable or unfair and see won’t they even the score. Yes, I have slept with a married man and yes I know it was wrong. I am not making excuses for the wrongdoing, I am just telling it like it is. Beware of the things you think that will get your man in check, it will surely bite you in the ASS later.

I am conflicted on how to respond to this thread. I have been on both sides of the equation. As a married woman, my husband has cheated on me countless times. I keep myself up, cook, clean, put it down in the bedroom, yet he still goes astray. It wasn’t until, I, myself started sleeping with a married man that I think I figured it out. Forbidden relationships are filled with desire, suspense, and excitement. A married man is strictly looking for someone to openly chat with and have crazy, wild uninhibited sex. A married man isn’t looking for love, he doesn’t want the emotional part, he is just looking for what he doesn’t get at home as much as he wants to. Your just feeling that gap for him than he goes home to his comfort. The food on someone else’s plate always looks and sometimes tastes better than what you’re having.

So let’s all form a circle…?

This is a case by case issue, I bet those women who have tricked or trapped their husbands would love that. Plus here we go again instead of letting a man be a mature man by acknowledging that they made vows to NOT ACT on the attraction or desires put before them. My man knew (He was killed 11 years ago) that if he did not stay on HIS game, there were others who wanted to take HIS place. I am a reflection of my man and he is a reflection of me. I like that you want my man, He was/is the shit, It was a turn on for me. Just as It was a turn on for him to know men were after me. Its not valuable if nobody wants it.

I am a very confident; gets hit on daily, attractive, puts it down in the bedroom, positive open minded married woman. This topic hits home for me because my husband cheated on me and with a married woman or two… I find it absolutely disgusting that women, black women at that, tend to make excuses for and when they find themselves in this situation (ie. Not her responsibility to acknowledge his vows, the wife must not be giving him what he wants, I must have something that she doesn’t, etc). For a married woman who finds herself cheating with a married man, I can guarantee that her husband has cheated or is cheating on her. This is her way of validating her behavior. This is no excuse to put another woman in your shoes. You know how it feels to find out the disturbing news that your mate has cheated but all that emotion goes out the window because for you, it’s all in the revenge and desires that you might have passed up if it hadn’t happened to you. I believe it was peach who stated, “sometimes he just wants what he’s not getting enough at home”. Is that something he told you???? How about a man just wanting his cake and eat it too??? That’s what it sounds like to me. Who wouldn’t want a wonderful marriage and family life at home and have a no strings attached relationship on the side? I know I wouldn’t mind but the reason why I wouldn’t differ from many of you who have responded. I respect myself and try as often as I can to respect others. I have never nor will I ever want to sneak around and be just a “fuck” for anyone. The article speaks about selfishness. The act of cheating is just that, it’s all about you, but guess what this world is much bigger than “just you” and you will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Our culture is suffering here. You wonder why there are so many baby mamas and baby daddy’s and not enough positive examples to set for our children. If we as women would join forces instead of being all about ourselves, our daughters will have better options to choose from then the options we have had because of the lack of positive male figures then and now. There is never an excuse to cheat when you have taken vows before god. If you can’t deal, keep it moving and let your spouse find someone who can better serve him/her in the vow that they took as well.
Signed,
Respecting myself because if I don’t who will

I started a temp job (months ago) yet I don’t see the boss often but once a week in a meeting. I recall one afternoon he said “have a good rest of the day,” sounding exceedingly seductive. At first I was like, did he just say it how I assumed it? Even so, I let go and went about my job but today he made an open innuendo about how I said a general comment one night (an evening out with my co-workers & him) that hurt his feelings and somehow he needed to make up for it.
Nevertheless, when it comes to my work I still have my ethics. I don’t need him thinking we can manifest into something more since I allowed him to speak his peace. I will admit he is so very HOT (never expressed how I see him to co-workers, nor even look him- I’m too shy) and very married & more importantly I REFUSE to mess with another sister’s man.
The funny thing is when Kobe Bryant followed me in a store for aisle at time (a month before accused of rape), I stopped him in open forum and checked his ass telling him “you’re married so back the f*ck off” but when it comes to the assumption with my boss I cannot seem to find the words to ask him are you making a pass at me?

Signed,
Awkward

If a man approaches you, you have four options, 1. step towards him with an inviting gesture to encourage his pursuit. 2. step backwards to let him know you are not interested in that form of communication or relation. 3. stand still and await his next advance. 4. push him in the chest hard (figuratively of course) and let him know he is out of line. I suggest you not do the latter if your boss approaches you. But to ask him if he is flirting with you or to continue the path and overtone of the conversation would not be discouraging to his advancement. So treat lightly but divert or ignore all together any inappropriate comments.

Often times, people are just fishing to see how far they can take it. Sometimes it is innocent flirtation with no intent on going beyond the occasional innuendos.

Once upon a time if someone would have asked me if I’d ever got down with a married man I probably would have ignored such ludicrous question. However, once forbidden behavior is not always forbidden these days. I agree with notion of the chase being exciting which easily allows the ego to negate the moral aspect of the behavior. After a horrible week in Canada with my dude at the time, I had an unusual amount of jealously running through my veins. So while sitting at the bar with a girl friend cursing men and swearing ______ aint ____, my friend and I who is a hopeless romantic bet I couldn’t knock down a married man. She believes men uphold their vows and it was my mission to show her they didn’t. We searched the bar for the first ring we saw and went in for the kill. After that night it became about the hunt, how many can I get to fall. One by one I picked them off. Most of which never made it to actually physically cheating. But my point was they would, and most did accept the invite. Although I knew it was wrong I rationalized it in my head as some sort of “experiment” thus it made me different. I would say to myself, well I don’t know them so I don’t care. But then there is the few dip back missions. I’ve actually knocked down prior bump buddies once they were already married. And the sad part is, I don’t feel bad about it. Initially I was nervous but then I got over it! Although those were a little more personal I didn’t feel it was my job wonder or inquire about their home lives. What he’s getting or not getting wasn’t my concern. All I cared about was getting one off and making sure he smiles. Maybe I rationalized it by not having any emotional connections as I’m almost 100% sure they didn’t harbor any either. I realize those are totally selfish acts and I’d honestly would feel super bad if the wives found out and were hurt by the act but I don’t feel bad for the actual act…odd but real. Would I do it again, my mind says no but who knows!

Unfortunately I have also par took in the horrible sin that according to the bible is punishable by death. I think my story is pretty much in line with the others. Knew it was wrong, didn’t care about the home life of the man, grew a conscience later, was caught off guard but ultimately had a hell of a selfish good time. I don’t know what this has to do with breast cancer awareness but it is not only a issue in the black community but races and nationalities alike. I liked the fact I got good D but his crap was somebody else to deal with. I’d practice my speech so when she found out and confronted me I would have a plan. She did find out because he got sloppy but when she confronted me I didn’t have the heart to admit to her or break her heart any further than her suspicion lead her. So now that I’ve stopped and repented to God I am waiting on Karma because I know it will hit me someday.
I think most men married or not will creep past innuendos if given the chance. And it has nothing to do with how fat the wife is or how well she’s putting it down. I’ve seen the bulge in my bosses pants countless times.