Comments on: The hunted becomes the hunter – Dating 2009

By: Elisa

Elisa — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 23:12:17 +0000

Qui that’s a good role to play and you are right it does work very well! I play a very similar role myself! Say a lot with out saying much, always stroke their ego, stay away from dream smashing even though you don’t give a darn. But never really let them into your life. I think most women play that role to some degree, some just play a smarter game of lure and release ;o)! By the way Mr. Harris, that’s hilarious! Almost as funny as the glue reference!

By: J Harris

J Harris — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:43:57 +0000

I never had a particular type of woman. I enjoyed getting to know the differences in women. I didn’t really hunt, I’d more like lure, then release the damaged ones that entered my domain. Yet my Alphaness makes most aggressive women relax and submit. But a requirement of a relationship that my wife does have is that she has to be able to stimulate me mentally.

I think men rarely know when they are victims. They just get frustrated when they can’t get rid of a woman like gum on his shoe.

By: Qui

Qui — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 01:25:53 +0000

Wow, intense. I’m a bit afraid to put my opinion down. MsPheonix and Elisa I think I agree with the both of you, but I am a hunter all the way! I like to play the passive aggressive sweet, independent, mysterious role. I’m probably not as confident as the role I play on tv but it works for me. Mr. Harris what was the typical female you used to hunt? I’m curious to know if you married “your type” or did someone opposite of “your type” sweep you off your feet? From your posting and comments you seem like the Alpha Male. Have you ever been victim of a hunt? How do you think men feel when they realized they’ve been the prey?

By: MsPhoenix

MsPhoenix — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:32:45 +0000

“Men will avoid marriage and cheat for as long as it makes more sense to do so. What women can be used for and their ultimate value in our lives is not for us to decide. That my dear is up to women to give in, give up or put out.”

I believe this statement wholeheartedly. It doesn’t make it right or wrong; it is just the way things are. Yes, ideally, men should hunt and women should allow themselves to be hunted. (That is a little different than allowing themselves to be prey.) When a woman allows a man to hunt her, whether she allows him to catch her or not, it reaffirms that she is viable catch and worthy of the hunt and simultaneously, allows her to see his strengths and prowess as a possible mate. However, when a women allows herself to become prey, she becomes unclear of her self worth, thereby effectively losing her previous value in the eye of the hunter. No longer is she the prized catch but she “will do” until a better catch comes along. When you’re hunting, coming home with a smaller, weaker doe, in place of the alpha buck, (while less honorable) is still better than coming home empty handed. As long as women settle for being second best and a matter of convenience, men will treat them as such. It is up to us as women, to decide whether we will allow ourselves to hunted as equals worthy of the hunt because of the value we place upon our selves and reflect outward or to be preyed upon by a hunter who does not honor the hunt and is not looking for quality or value but simply doesn’t want to go home empty handed. It all comes back to CHOICE. When a true hunter finds a worthy catch, a hundred lessor kills can come his way but he will not be satisfied until he bags the one that challenged and eluded him most.

And yes, while literally hunting animals is a vile sport to some, I have gone hunting a time or two. It is something I learned from my grandparents and parents when I was younger. They taught me that you don’t waste buckshot and you certainly don’t shoot at everything that comes your way; there are no “practice shots”. How much different should it be for men hunting women?

By: Lady Bliss

Lady Bliss — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:35:04 +0000

Amen

By: Outdating

Outdating — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 16:45:48 +0000

Point well taken and I apologize if I came out too unedited : ) Your totally right the problem needs to be addressed from both sides because if women refused to get involved and be involved with a man when he is already involved with someone else we wouldn’t have to have this discussion, this issue would be moot. Women too get an ego boost in these situations. I havenot always been the best at respecting those boundaries so I’m not coming from a position of self righteousness but we all grow and learn. I now know that no matter what my needs are and no matter if I’m just having fun with someone elese’s man there is a wife or girlfriend and a family that is being harmed in the process so now I stop, look and listen before I move. But I’m 44 it took me a while to come into this type of wisdom. We are all connected so every bad act no only affects us but it affects families and communities and ultimately comes back and affects us the doer. if we see our actions from that perspective maybe we will make better choices.

By: J Harris

J Harris — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:02:53 +0000

Ouch… you hit me hard there. I can’t argue against you at all. My apologies to all the women of the world who have been hurt due to some men’s extra activity. Yet your original question didn’t deal with marital infidelity, you were focused on the chase of dating. We shall hope that men, regardless of race, who make the commitment of marriage has come to a pass in his life regarding fidelity. Yet that has little to do with the thrill of the hunt of single people. Statistically, black men have a more difficult time with the commitment of marriage for a number of reasons. It is obvious that they place a lower value on the marital lifestyle than do most other races in America. This is something that a black woman is just going to have to face.

As an “educated” member of our community, I have to call it like a see it, and answer your question as it applies to everyday life. As a leader of our community, I have brought this topic up during my monthly men’s breakfast. I am doing all that I can to walk the walk, and talk the talk. Men don’t need to talk about why we cheat, that would be a silly question among a group of men. Yet we can talk about the ramifications of that lifestyle and hope that the advice is heeded to. Just as women should meet and discuss not being so competitve and disrespectful of other womens relationships.

Other nationalities cheat too. They may not cheat as much, but it only takes one time to get caught, and the woman’s life is turned upside down just the same. Men will avoid marriage and cheat for as long as it makes more sense to do so. What women can be used for and their ultimate value in our lives is not for us to decide. That my dear is up to women to give in, give up or put out.

By: Outdating

Outdating — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 03:25:50 +0000

Wow this was a fun rollercoaster ride. JH as an educated elite member of our community I was dissappointed to read your comment that “commitment and or being faithful is against a mans nature”. Don’t you think it is time for Black men to stop hiding behind excuses from “it is against a mans nature” to “the black women is confrontational” as the reason why they can’t be faithful husbands. I have more white girlfriends than black and the truth of the matter is white men for the most part are faithful after marriage so it is not a man thing it is a black man thing. And you can’t say it’s because the white women isn’t confrontational because most of the white women and latina women I know have more attitude and are much more demanding than any sistah I’ve ever known. What are we to teach our daughters if we are teaching our sons that it is in their nature to be unfaithful. Shall we tell our daughters to just expect and accept deceit and lies from their mates? The truth of the matter is, it is time for black men to truly face their demons and rise up to lead their families and our communities to a better place. Black men need to really look at the reasons why they fill compelled to continue to have to conquer women at regular intervals even after marriage. We all really know the truth which is, conquering a new woman provides a self esteem boost. For that hour or day or month that a man is in pursuit of or involved in the act of having a new woman give herself to him wheter it be sexual, or emotional it gives a man a self esteem boost. Instead of teaching the next generation that it is in there nature to cheat get a group of men together brainstorm and really figure out the reasons why ya’ll cheat, the deep reasons not the surface ones and work your way to a better way. Black families and the black community is in crisis. The church and the family are the cornerstone. We need to promote ideas that will repair and build our families and our communities. If we don’t rise up and find a better way, we will continue to be the lowest on the totum pole. The mexican who just entered this country is/has passing us by. Men we need you to do better or soon there will be no more Africans in America.

By: Lady Bliss

Lady Bliss — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 06:43:03 +0000

I agree with your dad, Mrs. Outdating. I hate to sound sexist or naive, but I really do believe that men and women should exhibit their natural roles in a heterosexual relationship.
For example, if most male mammals are willing to fight for their mate, why can’t men do the same for women? Isn’t every real woman deserving of this type of treatment? The men that I know, and or the men who I’ve been in a relationship with seem to love so much more passionately while dating the woman who they pursued. I think that it is up to women to give the man a hint, but ultimately the hunting should be left to him.

“Without passion, you don’t have energy; without energy, you have nothing. Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.” – unknown author

By: MsPhoenix

MsPhoenix — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:15:40 +0000

AV, thank you for your compliment but you are wrong on several counts. I am not single but I was for a short time and it was a learning experience to say the least. Secondly, I am FAR from the perfect woman and never stated or portrayed myself as such. I know my worth, and yes, I am sure of myself. That is not to say that I am perfect and never miss the mark or judge things wrong and make mistakes; sure I do. What I consider a “curious mix of both” is just that; if you perceive that as being “the perfect mix” then maybe you should tread easy because you sound like one of the brothas standing by to jump in some woman’s grab bag. I hope, for your wife’s sake, that you never lower yourself to do that, but that you take out some additional time to reassure your wife in the areas that she is insecure and build her up; thereby uplifting your household. You stated Elisa hates men. I don’t know her so I can’t say if she does or doesn’t but from her posts, she sounds a woman who knows what she wants and is honest about it. That, in my opinion, does not make her a cold piece of work. It says that she is true to herself and I applaud her for that. Time and circumstances tend to change things dramatically and should her perceptions change and she find herself wanting to be in a committed relationship, I am sure that, as women do, she will adapt. As for advising Outdating not to take advice from myself or Elisa, I agree with you on that because everything is not for everbody, however, I don’t see that any was offered by either of us. We offered different perceptions and viewpoints for consideration. In my opinion, Outdating, already has the best solution.

To Outdating- You sound like a woman well acquainted with the promises of God and you know that the just shall live by faith. (Girl let your light shine over here in my darkness! Being a PK, I feel you…:D) I already expressed my POINT OF VIEW based on MY past experiences. NOW, I’m going to give you some ADVICE! Here goes:

You are to possess your vessel according 1 Thessalonians 4:4 with says “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God” with the understanding that, according to Proverbs 18:22, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD” which by my understanding means he will find you. That being said, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” The result being, “and the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” according to Philippians 4:6-7. Follow that up with a little Mark 11:24, “Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”

Sistah, it will be well with you if you CHOOSE to do it God’s way. If you CHOOSE to fumble in the darkness, as some of us do, you will suffer bumps and bruises, some highs and some lows, AND IT WILL TAKE A LOT LONGER, but you will find your way because God’s grace is sufficient. Be well and continue to be blessed.