Love is instinctual, the expression of that love is learned.
What if no one taught us? Having the capacity to love does not always translate into the ability to effectively communicate that love. One question that burns in me, do people who struggle with the expression, deserve to be loved?
Thoughts that make you go hmmmm
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ABSOLUTELY… When you become 100% dissatisfied, change is gonna come. One failed relationship after the next, will compel you to make some adjustments, right? Eventually (hopefully) someone will come along and teach you how to Love. But, i guess It depends on your willingness and acceptance, of being taught how to Love.
Everyone has a different definition of love and how they express such emotion. But just like other emotions, the intensity of love is measured on a variable scale with thresholds that are relative to the being. YES, people who are traditionally unable to express their love in an universal language deserve to be loved. With the obvious exception of those that express through violence. One that is able to understand and appreciate their loved ones unconventional expression of love will have greater understanding of the person they too claim to love. I personally don’t believe people need to be taught to love, love is an innate emotion! People should learn to accept their mates form of love through understanding and the cohesive emotions they’ll ideally share!
I agree with Elisa. A person who is unable to express his/her love still deserves to be loved. However lack of communication and or expression, usually leads to lack of substance.
The thought or perspective I’m thinking is, what would you tell your 23 year old daughter as she struggles with a relationship that has its problems. Do you comfort her and then send her back in the ring for round 3, sighting that love will see her through? Or do you help her point out his flaws as grounds for determining she is worth more and should leave? Or is this the opportunity for you to point out that she must look at her part in the issues and work on herself to effect change, rather that change be for the betterment of that relationship or the next? Yet the choice to go another round is hers to make. This may exhibit her ability to outlast turmoil or exhibit her level of self-respect. Hence expression of love is learned.
I think that everyone has the ability to express love. When we really love someone or something, we all usually find away to convey that love. The conflict comes when two people who are in love, express their love for one another differently (have different love languages). It is rare to be in a relationship with someone who speaks the same love language as you. It might be better to know how to love in all 5-love languages and to show your significant other how to love you the way that you want to be loved. If the significant other is unable or unwilling to reciprocate love that is needed, the other person in the relationship should choose to love from a distance.
Love and relationship convenience differ. If one is on round 3, chances are it won’t be much different from round one or two. Round 3 suggest there is some sort of convenience or lucrative benefit for at least one of the parties involved. However, in any relationship one should self evaluate and wonder why their mate reacts a certain way. Every action deserves a reaction…right? At some point someone probably needs to be grown up and say “hey this just isn’t working”…no matter the lust-o-meter, some people just do not gel and that’s life! But I don’t think that has anything to do with how either express love. Tom’s flaws may annoy the heck out of Gina and she leaves after round one…but Christi may be able to overlook them and they are wonderful together. So I’d say a little of both, point out his obvious flaws and see how they effect you…as well as know yourself and how you may adversely affect his flaws! Expression of love may be learned…but Love isn’t, acceptance is!
Oh, I guess I should read the title before commenting next time! Its clear as heck in the title…lol…oops! DULY NOTED!
I believe that it is never too late for second chances. Especially when someone is in a marriage (a covenant including God). At the same time, I do believe that there are some situations when people should call it quits, but not until you have given the relationship your all (excluding abuse).
Mrs.BOT, with all due respect…at what point does one decide they have given it their all?
I understand everyones pain (emotional) threshold and tolerance differ but if one realizes they have made a mistake by entering a relationship (marriage included) then I think they should use the good sense God also gave them to eradicate that problem immediately. Why try for the sake of trying…prolonging the inevitable will only intensify the conflict and increase the proposed heartache. I think as women that is where we go wrong, we want to fix everything and everyone. If this man is 35 years old and has this insatiable sexual appetite, and we’ve caught him in “suspect relations with other women” chances are we are not going to stop him from stepping out by nagging him…only give him a reason to justify his actions. In addition, if this same man has a loose tongue and sometimes disrespect you and attack your self worth, chances are…that type of behavior is deeply embedded in him and since we are not therapist, our form of behavior modification will likely only increase the cost response mechanism that is self rewarding to him.
I don’t know, but I give people the benefit of the oblivious not doubt. As humans…born into sin, given the opportunity we will deceive the majority of the time. Especially those of us whom do not walk(so tight) along side of God. I say all that to say, trying as personality conflict and flaws that do not directly adversely affect each other is one thing but trying to correct ones negative behavior is for the birds. If one goes for round three understanding and fully aware of their loved ones negative behavior they mind as well shut it up and wwjd- turn the other cheek!
Thanks for the sound advice Elisa! Your most recent entry is my point exactly, sorry for the miscommunication on my part. I think that if it is only or mainly a personality conflict, the two people involved should try to learn, respect, and meet each other’s practical & emotional personality needs. From my experience, people do not generally change who they are. However, I still believe that with God, will and determination from everyone, all things are possible.
Although I may believe in second chances, I too realize that 3 times is not typically a charm.
As an addendum to my last response – After making a commitment to meet each other’s practical and emotional needs for at least 21 days (the minimum amount of time that it takes to form a habit), the couple will know when they’ve given their all as the relationship begins to meet or exceed expectations, or when it doesn’t.
I think, LOL.
God Bless.
Mrs. BOT, yea I’m not exactly sure you should classify my comment as “sound advice”…lol… but that is my take on the topic at hand! You have a few extremely valid points as well, “with God, will and determination from everyone, all things are possible”, I tend to agree with you on that. However, just like our walk with God, humans are prone to “back sliding” due to worldly influences. I Absolutely love the 21days concept, that’s about all the patience I have anyway. I think I’m going to use that one, like “homie, you on day 17 anyway…keep playin”…lol! A therapist once told me my area of deficit was “the manifestation of my personal thought process on beings that surround me” complicated by my analytical perceptive complex! Womp womp womp, I’d like to blame it on my last area of study…now I think I know people!
Lastly, I do stand by “over trying”, there comes a point when one must say to themselves, self…if I’m going to stay, love it or like it but shut up!