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Archive for August, 2009


The hunted becomes the hunter – Dating 2009

lion-eyeI’ve been married for most of my adult life. Yet for the past 5 years I’m back in the singles category. Maneuvering through the dating world at a more mature stage in life has proved challenging to me as it seems all of the norms have drastically changed.

Coming of age in the 80’s, my dad told me that men are natural hunters and when a man really wants a woman he will pursue her. He said that a man may deal with a women who pursues him but most likely she is just somebody to pass the time until the one he really wants comes along. I’ve always believed his theory and have governed myself by this principle. Meaning I really do not pursue men and since most women back 15-20 years ago seemed to govern themselves the same it was all good. But now it appears that women have become the more aggressive gender and it seems that it is the norm for women to do the hunting and to pursue the man. I have begun to wonder if possibly this is an outdated theory.

So my questions to you are, first do you believe that this was ever a valid theory and if so, have men lost their instinct to hunt? If a women is looking for a lifetime mate and not just a hook up, is it okay for a woman to pursue a man for this intent? Is there anything instinctual in a man to want to choose his mate or is it acceptable to a man for the woman to choose him?

Signed: Outdating

Dear Outdating, this is a great common dilemma. I’ve spoken to many people who are frankly afraid of the new dive back into the dating pool. Read moreRead more


Love is instinctual, the expression of that love is learned.

What if no one taught us? Having the capacity to love does not always translate into the ability to effectively communicate that love.  One question that burns in me, do people who struggle with the expression, deserve to be loved?


Thoughts that make you go hmmmm


The grander the gift from God, the more mighty the muster of the devil

Thoughts that make you go hmmm


To err is human, to forgive divine.

Quote of the week by Alexander Pope


Thank you to my readers for your love-words of encouragement



Thank you all for all the comments, emails and text messages.  The messages were all reassuring.  I’m most delighted that there is a community that assembles to interact on topics covered here. This verifies my thought that there is a need for an accessible outlet to the personal struggles that are so common, yet commonly silenced.


How do I deal with the fact that I may be addicted, I may have a destructive pattern, I may have self-hate, I may need help with the battles of my mind.  Here is a place that I hope we can openly communicate and personally reflect on how we operate in this world.  


For the love that I’ve received, for the passion that I have within, I have decided to continue on.  I’ll write, please respond.  Thank you all so much.


May we all be understood, forgiven and healed


The end…

It’s been challenging, it’s been enlightening, it’s been a pleasure discusssing life with you.  I hope I (we) made (make) a difference…signing off.




God bless,
Jermaine Harris


Though it hurts to let go, destiny calls for us to do so.



Quote of the week by “Letting-Go” a married woman in love with a married man in the article “Can’t let go”. (published July 16th)


Notice to readership – Comments

I monitor all activity on the site. Many of the past articles are read quite often, but comments tend to fall off substantially if the article is not on the front page. Feel free to make a comment on old topics because they are read by new readers. These conversations can be built upon over a substantial time. I truly appreciate all of my patrons and commentators.


Are you a stalker?

soldierstalker-womanMost people won’t admit to their stalking days, but many will tell you that they have been stalked.  The closest I’ve come to stalking was when I broke up with a girlfriend and I would still go to her house.  She lived on a cul-de-sac and about once every other month for about 2 years I’d drive up to her condo complex and just sit in my car for 2 or 3 minutes.  Even long after she had sold her condo and moved out of the State (not to get away from my stalking…I don’t think), I’d still find myself turning down her street when in that neighborhood.

  Read moreRead more



She was 21 years old and “in love” with some dude that, for some random reason, she felt was ultrasound1worthy of such a high pedestal. Maybe it was his sheer disrespect of her feelings that made her want him in the worst way. Or maybe he was ballin out of control and she wanted a lifetime supply of his loot. Oops, she’s pregnant and is not willing to consider reversing this situation. His world is about to change forever. Does she think they will be a family now, or does she rather have a reluctant angry man sending her a check each month? Maybe she is so shallow that she thinks that a baby by him would be beautiful with light eyes.


I’d like to get the unique perspective from readers that have been faced with this situation before. Most importantly, I’d love to hear from those women who have a child from this situation. It would be enlightening to hear an honest confession from someone who lived it, and matured out of that mindset and is now willing to get it off of her chest and share for the betterment of our avoidance through understanding.