Is total satisfaction possible?
In reading my entry regarding my anniversary this question came to mind. If we are goal setters, we should be realistic in those goals, correct? The most important aspect to goal setting is attainability. So shall we look for total satisfaction within a relationship or is that a fairytale that only exist in a 4 year old girl’s bedtime story?
I am under the impression that many men have insatiable appetites. And most women are never satisfied. I’ve never come across a totally satisfied woman, but then again, maybe I’m just incapable of bringing total satisfaction to pass. Each of us have a particular skill set that we bring to every experience. Hence our outlook and outcomes all have common themes that shape our view of the world. But it is how we operate in this world that creates our reality. For example, people who are successful tend to have a better outlook on life. Those who don’t have the skill set (or ineffectively apply their skill set) may face more defeats and develop a barren and bitter outlook on life.
So the question is posed. Even for the most successful people in relationships, are they able to share total satisfaction? My guess is that with each combination of couples there are particular sacrifices that must be made. If her cooking sucks, buy extra hot sauce. If he is too quick out of the gate, you better learn to focus and finish fast. If she has a slight limp that causes you a bit of embarrassment while in public, you better adjust and see the beauty. If he drives like a maniac, you better do some Hail Mary’s and hold on to the “oh shit” bar on all random U turns. If a certain part of their body stinks at times should you give them a lifetime supply of gum, foot spray, deodorant or talcum powder?
Given this inherent flaw in each relationship, do you have any suggestions on how people can turn off that natural God given instinct to satisfy all of ones selfish needs, and deal with the inadequacies of the person they love? You hear it all the time, “he wouldn’t be cheating if he was happy at home”. Really? Or “she wouldn’t nag him if he was being a real man and was handling his business”. Really? I find that if the right situation presents itself, women tend to trade up, and men tend to add on.
I’m just sayin…Thoughts?
I believe that the sense of satisfaction and happiness depends on a person’s state of mind.
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” ~Colette
I think that is true, but state of mind changes, and you may be left unsatisfied next year.
With life, the grass is always seemingly greener on the other side. But once one stops straddling the fence and jumps over they will soon realize, like the previous side, the sun always shines brighter from an angle. I don’t believe there needs to be a specific deficit in a relationship for either to cheat. Nor do I believe cheating is a state of mind. I may be naïve to the fact but I believe cheating can be done with no emotions or specific purpose. Does one ever really commit to a single person for eternity…probably not. If one backslides from their walk with God then us mere mortals do not stand a chance. Now, women do not need a reason to nag, but neither do men. From the beginning, humans were conditioned to desire pleasure. Through social customs and socially appropriate behavior patterns it has been widely accepted for women to be “the nags” of the relationship. Therefore when a women expresses her concern or dislike it is referred to as “nagging”. When a man expresses the same concern it is referred to as “protective”. Whether or not people are completely satisfied has been an age old topic from Sigmund Freud to the Kinsey experiment and so on! The end result of each experiment was the basic desire of humans to engage in immediate gratification. He gets pleasure from no strings attached dip and she lets off a little steam and solidifies her place in the relationship as “not to be effed with”. Human Nature
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I do not believe that people feel total satisfaction 100% of the time. I do however believe that you can achieve a feeling of contentment and happiness when you are able to control your state of mind. We can also control our perception in a relationship. We can choose to look at the glass as half full or half empty.
Usually a person’s inadequacies were present when the relationship began. So what has changed? Did the significant other change that drastically, or has the other person in the relationship’s viewpoint changed?
We are a nation of upgrades. The world is designed to make us believe that we need more or something better. After we upgrade to the next level, or we get the grass that was on the other side, we still won’t be satisfied. Being content with what I have and remembering to count my blessings, is what keeps me from feeling inadequate.
“Why People Cheat”, is a whole different enchilada, it should be written on a separate entry.
God Bless
I’m sure we all know what we are sacrificing in each relationship. The question is, do we communicate that to the other person? That may be very unnecessary from your perspective; especially it will probably be something outside of that persons skill set. Now switch the shoe. Do you know what your partner is sacrificing by being with you? Do you want to know? Can you handle the truth? This is an area of insecurity within relationships. “I know he loves double D’s, and I’m holding double B’s”
Here is where the communication gets really sticky. I’m not trying to start no trouble.
I think that a person’s needs and wants should be discussed before the relationship begins; to decrease the amount of sacrificing a person has to undergo during the relationship.
No matter what state of mind a person is in, a double B is still going to be a double B. Although it is still possible for a person to mentally convince him/herself that a double B is plenty.
If during the relationship a person later discovers dormant or new desires, I believe that s/he should feel comfortable talking openly to his/her significant other. Hopefully the person on the receiving end doesn’t take it personally. If the person on the receiving end is mature and loving, s/he should understand and s/he may even appreciate their significant other’s honesty.
Again, the outcome of this type of conversation depends on timing and word choice. I would rather have this discussion before committing to a relationship. I also would prefer to hear “I’m attractive to women with long hair”, oppose to “I am sacrificing ___ by being with you.”
You are right; it is nearly impossible to find a person who has every desired attribute. We all have to make some desired attribute sacrifices, but the sacrifices that we make shouldn’t be the ones that we can’t live without. Otherwise, looking at the glass as half full is difficult to achieve.
Very well put… Lady Bliss
The 80/20 rule comes to mind. My wife has 80% of what I want. She may never be able to acquire the other 20%. The longer I’m with her, the more and more I desire and miss the 20%. It’s like a dog scratching his fleas, as long as you have fleas (desires) you will always scratch. You can either live with them, or try to find another relationship, which equates to chasing your tail.