Can you relinquish your power and submit to a man? Part I

By giving “power” to a man I may move in with or marry do you mean he is the head of the house and has final say over all financial decisions and family matters? Do I move in with him because I married this man or just cohabitating? Am I financially dependent on him? The answer is NO. This does not sound like the ideal man for me. Where’s the compromise? No person should have POWER over another person.

At this stage of my life…career oriented, homeowner, financially stable/independent and at the tender age of “40somethin’,” a decision of living with a man would only come after being in a long-term trusting relationship. Whether it be in my home or his home, would take a lot of consideration and here are a few things that I would want US to establish and/or consider:

Let’s get the obvious out of the way….First, I’ve been single for 12 years and when the divorce was complete I had full responsibility of a mortgage and 2 baby boys’ (now age 13 and 16) and a new career that involved a commute of 150 miles a day…NOT at all bitter by this situation, but have learned many lessons. This man I would be living with must have a positive relationship with my sons. He must be of good moral character and maintain a proper image who my sons may want to model. No body’s perfect, but in my life, this man will be professional, preferably, in corporate America, he’ll be financially successful and financially RESPONSIBLE, trustworthy, confident, fun, loving, spontaneous, be able to communicate….we would have mutual respect for each others independence and individuality…He would not have certain habits that are “illegal, preferably a non-smoker…of anything, organic or man made. He would be cultured and knowledgeable of the world as it is today; he may have traveled a few places within the world, not just his commute to and from work; His music would be tasteful; his attire, trendy, yet classy; his heart, authentic. This man would have to have the potential of “POWER” by being EMPOWERED by the fear of God; he should be willing to establish a PARTNERSHIP….to be innovative and assertive, organized, diligent; show strength and ability; He would definitely have the potential to “take charge” but not in a way in which he exercises authority and supremacy; my personality conflicts with “mean, nasty and arrogant”…a person with too much Power tends to be this way.

With that said, I would relinquish the SOLE decision making I’ve become accustomed for the past 12 years to establish a partnership; a willingness to compromise when necessary without either of us having to feel defeated; not be condescending, but supportive of each others’ ideas and initiatives. It would be very important to me that we make joint decisions on major matters. Financial responsibility would involve a clear understanding of who would be responsible for what or a plan of action of how the household account would be shared as well as a clear sharing of labor. Communication is the key here. (I’m not favorable of the man who wants to just bring home his paycheck and let the woman take care of all financial matters unbeknownst to him…been there done that!)

So here I think it’s important to define “Power.” Does this man have power because he makes more money than me? Does he have power because he makes less money than me BUT is a controlling, militant, stubborn and impossible person who wants to have things done his way or else? Does he have power because he’s strong-willed and tenacious? Does he have “power” because he’s so loving and kind and affectionate and willing and understanding that Damn…I just wanna give him whatever he wants? Did he earn and/or deserve the power? and if so, how?

Signed:  JusMe&myBoyz