When is it appropriate to hit a woman?
This is one of the questions we posed to our young brothers at the first men’s breakfast last month. The big brothers first went around the table sharing their experiences when they faced an adverse confrontational situation with someone they were in a relationship with. Not all of the stories where pleasant or ended on a good note. We as mentors kept it real, we did not sugar coat it or try to preach. We once had no clue, we learned the hard way. Now we discuss with the next generation so they may stop and think before they let their temper get the best of them.
As men we are normally at a disadvantage in that we were not raised to feel and express our emotions through verbal communication. Women tend to underestimate our frustrations when we are dealing with emotions that are fresh and contradict what we’ve been taught regarding manhood. We learn from a very early stage that we are not to cry or show emotion, but remain tough and ridged. Yet, outside of death, only a woman can take a man to an emotional state that is far outside of his comfort zone. Then she presses him on the spot to explain himself. Men tend to lash out, especially after a women feels that her emotional state gives her license to physically assault him. I’m not sure if they do this because they confuse the fact that a man “should not” strike a woman, with the falsehood that he “will not” strike a woman. Or maybe she needs to get a response from him so badly that she forgets that not all responses should be welcomed.
At the breakfast we steered the conversation towards avoiding women who like to push a man’s buttons. Not only does a man have to learn how to control his anger, he also has to develop the ability to sense a woman’s mode of operation regarding expressing her own anger. Both men and women need to read the signs and get out of a relationship prior to 911 being dialed. Better yet, not run from relationships, but learn how to cope with stressful situations without the drama of bashing and jail time. In the heat of the moment women seek answers and reassurance; men need time to process emotions so that they can communicate them later. So the crux of many disputes is just timing. As young adults we don’t fully understand what we are capable of, let alone the capabilities of someone we’ve been dating for 6 months. We shall hope that we have a strong support system around us that has given us worthy examples, as well as an ear and good advice to assist us in working out what is going on inside of us. Relationships are all about emotions; which so happens to be the most complex aspect of life.
When is appropriate to hit a woman? NEVER!
Oh yeah, I left out the answer. But that’s stating the obvious. But equally as important is for women to not hit men either.
And when men get hit do we call the cops? No we either hit back or try to get away before the situation turns worse. I bet if the man started to call the law on the women they would think twice but then again they are some “Unstable creatures.” WHO YA WIT!!!
Its true men should never hit women. Women should know their place. What I mean by this is , when in a fight or a disagreement brakes out women should know that a man can only do that for so long…..Intil he becomes physical, we as men have to control it, women you have to let up sometime. Meet in the middle……………
It is never good to hit a woman. Unless of course, your hearts desire is to go to prison.
Since OJ’s watershed fiasco that took place in the 90′s, the law will come down on a man who verbally threatens a woman, let alone lays hands on her in anger. If someone finds themselves in a relationship that is likely lead to violence, it’s best to recognize this fact as early as possible and get out of it with the quickness. Further, if it does not bother a man to physically strike a woman, that man should recognize that he has a serious problem that will eventually lead to his undoing. Seek help immediately.
You can smack them when the Lakers lose, when you can’t find the remote, or when you just need a good feeling on the back of your hand! But personally, I make sure they’re barefooted while in the kitchen. Pregnant is an option but beware, that gets expensive. LoL!
The world is against you when you do but that doesn’t mean you should stand there and take an ass whoopin’ either!
I believe that you have to excise a lot of patience with women in general. They are very emotional and we as men need to step back sometimes and just listen first then process the situation and create a dialogue. I know some times you want to put the smack down on that ass.(lmao) But that’s not the way to go not if you don’t want to go to jail and ninety days of anger management classes. I know first hand a exgirlfriend of mines was mad because I was spending time with my son one weekend at my house. While my son was asleep she attempt to create bodily harm to him so I jump in front of her and told her to get back. This woman punch me in my jaw I was like WOW!! I grab her by the neck and just held her down until she calm down. Afterwards she called 911 and I went to jail for the weekend and did ninety days of anger management. This was after she told the police and the district attorney that she hit me first. So my advice to any man is just leave don’t stand there and take a ass whoopin.
After a girlfriend of mine was struck by her father and kicked out of her parent’s house for dating a black man, my father and I allowed her to move in with us. One night she threw some accusations at me, she threw the phone at me and proceeded to throw her 105 pound frame at me. In defense I began to push her towards the door, she resisted. I grabbed her by her belt and pulled her towards the front door. After I opened the door with one hand I proceeded to throw her out the door with the other hand, she flew across the porch and landed on her side. I spent the night in jail due to the knot she developed on her forehead from hitting the ground. After an interview with the district attorney, the charges were dropped.
In the moment I didn’t see leaving a crazy woman in my house with my ill father as an option. Not only do we need clear and correct decision making in these situations, we also need some luck. Most importantly, violence begets more violence. Resorting to this type of “problem resolution” harms the whole family and creates more problems. No one has the right to physically discipline another adult, rather it be your daughter, spouse or boyfriend.
I’ve had a few women try to stab and or physically hurt me with or without weapons. Shortly after my first wife began trying to beat the hell out me daily (and nightly) I was selected for military police training which eventually let to special warfare and other training which prepared me to be aware of and remove physical security risks. She was the first (of quite a few) women who meant to create harm to my person but with a level mind and some basic preparation I believe there is practically no reason to strike another man or woman. Most of the domestic striking issues I’ve heard are usually motivated by emotions and fear, like the recent star beatings, and nothing good can result from this.
If not for the military I would have either had to endure violence or escalate the violence to a level in which I would have paid a heavy price. It seems wrong to tell a young man he should never hit a woman and expect him to know how to deal with the difficult situations he will be faced with in life. It would be interesting to see a “self-defense” course for men which focused on low impact apprehension methods. Of course you couldn’t call it a “protect yourself from women” class or anyone who went would be labeled a pussy
Perhaps you could call it “Social Control methods” or “How to date and stay out of jail” class….in which case it should also address other issues like rape accusation prevention, 10 signs a woman is likely to be psycho, why you shouldn’t date married women, etc. It all sounds funny but if a guy knows how to disarm and immobilize a person with little risk of cuts, bruises, and as little emotional pain/embarrassment as possible he should find these issues a lot easier.
As an end note, If you are over 28-30 and still have issues with a woman or other “friend” trying to assault you then something is definitely wrong. This is a sign you perhaps need to see a counselor and find out why you allow these people in your life and perhaps begin to develop some self-esteem.
**of course this should apply to males and females equally
I like that idea Patrick, that would be a great class for a father/son experience. So when the son goes through issues, the father can reference and validate life skills learned.
I told my students about the idea of a 13th grade, because there is so much about life that needs to be taught instead of fumbled through. Vicarious learning may not be the most effective, but it is still the less painful learning method.
One general statement for all the responses I’ve received due to this article from women who don’t want to be published, and for all women who feel the same way…
Men who continue to feel they can resolve an issue with their hands are men who lack the ability to communicate their feelings verbally. With great power, comes great responsibility. Please refrain from such actions, as your manhood is diminished with every blow. You have two options: get out, or respect to the point that you may feel it is unnecessarily and painfully ridiculous.
The choice is yours, put up or pack up
“Men who continue to feel they can resolve an issue with their hands are men who lack the ability to communicate their feelings verbally. With great power, comes great responsibility. Please refrain from such actions, as your manhood is diminished with every blow. You have two options: get out, or respect to the point that you may feel it is unnecessarily and painfully ridiculous.”
Very nice summary. I couldn’t agree more.
What about a “woman” who feels she needs that physical attention and the “man” who feels like its his job to give it to her. Its crazy but if they both get what they want is it still wrong?
Both people need help. Dysfunction that may end in harm to someone, rather it be the assailant, the assaulted or the innocent witnesses, is wrong. Every problem that is answered with a response that does not bring additional understanding or resolve to any party is the wrong answer.