Virtue of a Woman- Part Two

Last night I went to the play “Wicked” playing at the Pantages Theatre in Hollywood. The play was excellent. It takes the old and familiar story of “The Wizard of Oz” and builds the foundation of the storyline by starting with the birth of the wicked witch of the West, it develops throughout childhood, and ends after what was depicted on the original Wizard of Oz movie. Even as a child I would wonder how evil happens. I used to look at the gangster kids in my neighborhood and wonder why. I would watch He-Man and wonder why Skeletor was such a villain. Dr. Doom and what’s up with Lex Luthor. I don’t know if any of you ever had those thoughts, maybe I was just a strange kid?

The play really simulates real life in an abstract way. By allowing someone to come into our lives and walk a common path with us as we get to know them, we find that they just might be the wicked witch in the end.  At that point we may abandon that association in efforts to avoid additional despair. Yet that relationship represents the movie, “The Wizard of Oz”. You meet someone in the middle of their lives and not take the time to understand their flaws, yet we judge them and end the movie.  The play takes us back in time prior to the movie. It’s like taking the time to truly understand why a person is a certain way, at that point we offer ourselves an opportunity to learn about not only that person, but about humanity and even learn a bit about ourselves and how we may be able to adapt and compromise for the benefit of a union, the benefit of a race of people, the benefit of mankind.

Why was my mother such a tyrant? As I got older and begin to converse with my mother about her childhood experiences I learned where she placed the blame for her personal demons. I chose not to believe all that she said, but by understanding her perspective I was able to process the past a little better. Her story made me blame my grandmother for a while, but I changed my mind and forgave them both even though I don’t think they ever forgave each other.

The main virtue of a woman is contained in the definition of Nurturing. My definition of nurturing is the personality trait that creates the desire to constantly grow a personal relationship into something bigger, better and more effective. Women have this God given trait as the core of our human survival. God gave women this gift due to the fact that they have the task of caring for a human baby who has extraordinary needs and no way of communicating those needs. A women’s instinct allows her to effectively communicate with babies in order to bring comfort. In turn she feels a sense of accomplishment. Women carry this trait throughout their child’s life, actively attempting to better the relationship for a mutual benefit.

Women often use this trait in a relationship with a grown man. They attempt to positively effect change in the relationship for the purpose of mutual benefit. However, what may be a positive change for her may not be a desired change for the man. Women constantly try to change a man to fit “mutual” benefits. This is the beauty of her nature. It also is used as a motivating factor to a man. Hence behind every great man, there stands a great women. This same dynamic is what makes women such a blessing to us lazy ass men. We want to be a great man for you, we want to satisfy your every need. Provide you with all the love, money and emotional support you’ll ever need. We as men genuinely want to do this. In being successful in that, we find our manhood. We can now beat our chest and grunt in pride of our abilities.

The problem is when women overuse this nurturing trait. There is only so much growth and change we can take in any one period of time. If we don’t agree with the direction you deem to be “mutually” beneficial, it is no longer mutual. The aspirations you want us to accomplish are not for you to determine. We have to discover our own aspirations. You can motivate by your presence and commitment to our manhood, but to demand that we man-up and get it done, rub my feet, stop crying, tell me you love me, spend more time with me, go out and make more money, buy me that, buy me this, keep a good credit score on and on and on. Overdone, you’ve let your most beautiful trait turn on you. Now you are a single woman again and you say, men ain’t no good, sorry asses, all of’em.

The best way to get your way is to give his way without sacrificing your virtues, assuming that you have virtues prior to the relationship. A real man (the right man) will never jeopardize your virtues. He will respect and protect them. But if you have none, then why would he want to remain with you anyway.

Women normally value themselves by the success of their relationships. If you don’t believe me, spend time with a group of 50 year old women. I bet the common theme of their conversation is how the other people in their families are doing. They find pride in the success of the family given their “direct impact” on that outcome. This is why they want their men to be successful. This is why they want to spend money, the spending of money exhibits success, hence their value. Men don’t talk about that stuff, we value our selves by different competitive valuations, such as how much money we make, not how much money we spend. This one difference causes many issues between the sexes.

Talk it out, work it out, get over it and stay awhile.