Virtue of a Woman- Part One
My mother
Women come in all flavors, shapes and sizes, we can not generalize them too much without backing ourselves into a corner surrounded by angry women. In this series of writings I will share with you my personal understanding of women’s virtue, and how it has transformed over the years. I have had a fair amount of experiences with women. My mother was a single dating parent during a substantial portion of my childhood. She was a whirlwind to live with. Almost annually I was awakened in the middle of the night by flashing red lights, crackling scratchy sounds of walkie-talkies carried by very tall white men in uniform due to my mother’s episodes of banter and rage. Even to this day, if paramedics are in my house I have an emotional trigger that creates confused disgust. It took me years to discover how her personal issues affected me, 90% for the worst, but that’s another story.
I also have three sisters and no brothers. I was the baby with two older sisters until I was 10 and my little sister was born. My older sister’s friends would all call me “manish” with a negative connotation and a smile, usually after I tested my pre-teen mack on them. Unfortunately my sisters and their friends were what we called back then “fast”, so I got “lucky” a few times. Additionally I was very close to my grandmother who owned two houses, ours and the one she lived in next door to us. My grandmother wasn’t a whirlwind, she was a firecracker. Wow she’ll beat you across the noggin with brutal honesty. She lived with me during the final years of her life, and she virtually chased my first wife out of my house. In that regards, she wasn’t a firecracker, she was a stick of dynamite. As an adult, I found women to reinforce my negative perception, which in turn caused me not to be the best demonstration of a man.
One day when I was around 20 years old, we were all discussing a serious family problem and trying to figure out what we should do. I was quiet and listening as usual. Being in a house filled with strong women made me quiet and subdued. It was either be that, crazy or sexually confused. My mother said “I don’t know what we are going to do”, I heard my grandmothers voice echo the same sentiment. The room got quiet, unusually quiet. I looked up to discover they all were peering at me with a question mark floating above their heads. At that moment I realized that I was the man of the family. The baton had been passed and I had to step up and learn to lead quickly.
My experiences lead me to think that women can do anything. They are tough, resilient and my equal. They know what they want and they will get it one way or the other regardless of the participation of a man. I had a great deal of superficial respect for women. I eventually learned that deep down on a subconscious level I didn’t respect them at all. See, in my situation I witnessed problems arise, I witnessed how these women handled them and to what end. This made me feel that, yes they are strong enough to tackle all problems. Yet they tend to go about it the wrong way. Many of the women in my life made their problems worse before they made them better. So interpersonal relationships with women laid heavy on my heart due to this unnecessary struggle regardless of how obvious the right path was. To not have strong men in my life or the lives of my family did not show me the way to deal with women or life’s issues, rather it be right or wrong.
My emotional scar is manifested through a low tolerance for “illogical, unnecessary BS” from anyone, especially women. Yet the being able to stick in there when the going gets tough is exactly what a woman needs. Hell, that’s what everyone needs from that special someone. So our success within relationships is directly impacted by our emotional resilience. Too bad manhood is so fragile.
Running from Bullshit
I love to be with women, it is a comfort, but if I love to be with them but I don’t want to put up with the “BS” I’m a walking contradiction. This lead me to have superficial relationships where women could not dump their crap on me. I may not have been the President, but I was a card carrying member of “The afraid of commitment club”, for men.
The challenge in today’s world is to learn how to be a strong, fair and willing leader of a household, despite the examples that we were given as children. We have to fight an internal battle to be that person of virtue. We must fight to cultivate relationships only with persons of virtue. We must fight to raise our children with an example of man and women appreciating each others virtues.
Till next time, please share if you will, your thoughts regarding virtuous people in your life. Do you look for it, do you have it? This will inspire me in my writing of “Virtue of a Woman- Part Two”
Live hard, think deep, love hard & deep,
Jermaine
What is a virtious woman? Proverbs 31 depicts the woman of virtue.
The expression “virtious woman” means “one of power either in mind or body, or both” A woman of strength, efficiency, and ability. She is far more valuable and worth far more than rubies. She is like a rare gem. Who can find such woman??? “She is rare, a woman of purpose, the perfect housewife, the chaste helpmate of her husband, upright, God-fearing, enconomical and wise. This woman of proverbs 31 bascically has it “going on”, she stands out as the ideal example of God’s woman today, viewed as a wife, mother, member of society, manufacturer, merchant and landowner. Value can be determined by contribution. The “virtious woman”, she greatly contributes to her husband, her children, the poor, society and to herself. She is busy in activities (not a busy body) that pertain to the good and well being of her husband and children. She does her husband good and not evil. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Women can contribute to overall goodness and moral integrity or they can tear down and destroy. My grandmother and my mother are both virtious women and I call them blessed. They emulate the “virtious woman” of proverbs 31 and not Hollywood’s version of the successful woman. The “virtious woman” is of real substance and lasting quality and will offer important contributions to herself, family and society as a whole. Who can find such woman?
Examples beget examples. We must ask ourselves to be that. For those of us who were not as fortunate to have examples, we need to step up and break that cycle. Remember, jump out of your box. Thank you Virtious Sharlene for your wise contribution. I can’t wait to write part two.
Excellent description Sharlene
Thank You Nikkie